tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1315741693640506952024-03-04T20:13:30.593-08:00Smarter Romance... a blog extension of Fine Tune Your LifeNot So Smart 0<-------20--------40---------60---------80--------->100 Really SmartRichardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.comBlogger47125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-16970711083881299522012-05-07T10:30:00.002-07:002012-05-10T07:20:51.332-07:00Are you still "kissing all those frogs?"<div style="background-color: #fff2cc; color: black;">
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<span style="font-size: large;">People will ask me, "What's so bad about</span> <span style="font-size: x-large;">kissing all the frogs on my way to finding 'Mr. or Mrs Right.'" </span>Actually when you're on the upward swing in a developing relationship it really doesn't feel like it matters much; so the issue just isn't on the radar. Right--I think you know what I mean? But when for whatever reasons a relationship you had great hopes for starts to fall apart, then the personal disappointment and confusion you feel triggers those painful thoughts, "Why couldn't I see this coming earlier--why do I feel so bad and how could I be so stupid?!"</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">A <b><span style="color: red;">Smarter Romance</span></b> <b><span style="color: #0b5394;">IS</span></b> the antidote to these draining yo-yo emotional experiences. </span>That's not a promise that you won't have any relationship disappointments doing <b><span style="color: red;">SR</span></b> dating. But it is to say that you'll be much more aware, and generally long before you dig the deep emotional holes. You'll know that the relationship isn't going to work and you'll know exactly why it will eventually come apart. Your disappointment and pain won't approach those previous heartbreaking proportions, and that's completely cool.</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: black;">Suppose you really don't want a committed relationship right now; <span style="font-size: small;">you're too young or you are focused on some important personal or career development goals, etc. </span></span></span><span style="color: black;">That's cool, too. <b><span style="color: red;">SR </span></b>will help you find the guys or gals who will genuinely support your goals and your timetable--some enduring friendships that won't confusingly short-circuit Y-O-U. You'll be able to say with confidence, "Thanks, but no-thanks, Froggie!" Wow, is that a refreshing thought or what?!</span></div>
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<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: large;">Do you want to know more?</span> Email me about a <span style="color: red;">Smarter Romance</span> seminar in your area, <a href="mailto:SmarterRomance@gmail.com"><i>SmarterRomance@gmail.com</i></a>. In the meantime have fun, be safe...and be smart.</span></div>
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<br />Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-77876426537152702192012-03-26T09:19:00.010-07:002012-03-27T13:57:48.197-07:00The Mysterious "Stink" of "Group Think"<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:180%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">A few years ago my wife and I adopted a plan to get and move our family to a small acreage. </span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">This idea was born in a desire I thought was somewhat unique. Given my personal background, values, etc., etc., I assumed our plan just wasn't something </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">everybody</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> wanted to do. Our reasoning for doing it was well- conceived and reasonable, and it appeared to us it was doable.</span><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn4XgePHlAV-CWAtLYkn6qXV1R0X8B361gdqWo1sKaj4uibFdZAlfcirmXSIw8BZSTqt-ZJ0SB-I_NEcDgs6GjOIHI05xyvOds_3QQWx2ReTLjTP7qrodXvYeT5iueb-N4hbHhxuq8VFg1/s1600/Jepson%2527s+Ole+Family+Home2.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn4XgePHlAV-CWAtLYkn6qXV1R0X8B361gdqWo1sKaj4uibFdZAlfcirmXSIw8BZSTqt-ZJ0SB-I_NEcDgs6GjOIHI05xyvOds_3QQWx2ReTLjTP7qrodXvYeT5iueb-N4hbHhxuq8VFg1/s320/Jepson%2527s+Ole+Family+Home2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5724683354433809538" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" >So as we began to execute our plan we got to the point where we put our home up for sale. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">It soon sold. We enthusiastically moved to the next phase of our plan--finding and purchasing a small acreage. We had a small time-window to make a deal. It was at that point where we discovered the general popularity of "our" idea. There were so many other people just like us doing the same thing, or trying to do it, that the availability of small acreages--and their associated costs--had become highly competitive.</span><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" >We were very surprised to realize that "our" idea wasn't unique at all.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:100%;" >We were members of a large cultural cross-section of people who were thinking exactly the same way we were!<br /></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGEzMWB9AJ_i-WwHpAmzcLtOnqhB-gDhm7CkkSk5PjWOls7mRhSOVQ8VzbK9-4cbyLImHbTtkd2QbRex7ut4Csab-E5LANFyJ82AcGjwxLB6tPiAxac0iNU_lpHFihvlUNfsSOfSlTW8yY/s1600/16625+W+50th+Ave%252C+Golden+80403.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGEzMWB9AJ_i-WwHpAmzcLtOnqhB-gDhm7CkkSk5PjWOls7mRhSOVQ8VzbK9-4cbyLImHbTtkd2QbRex7ut4Csab-E5LANFyJ82AcGjwxLB6tPiAxac0iNU_lpHFihvlUNfsSOfSlTW8yY/s400/16625+W+50th+Ave%252C+Golden+80403.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5724681815599376274" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-size:130%;">Our plan and our subsequent effort wasn't "right" or "wrong."</span></span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:100%;" > </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:100%;" >But the assumption we made in thinking--that that we were "different," "special," or "unique"--was completely goofy and very mistaken! W</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:100%;" >e were merely</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:100%;" > ordinary folks acting like so many other similarly ordinary folks just like us.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;">Since that experience I've come to realize the power and influence of what I call "group think."</span> What I mean by that is that people find themselves with an idea to do <span style="font-style: italic;">something </span>that they sincerely believe they've independently conceived--it's uniquely their own thought and/or desire. It's an expression of their own, personal individuality. Probably not! </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:100%;" >If we'd learn how to examine it carefully, we'd probably realize lot's of people are doing it, too.<br /><br />My Dad used to say to me, <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-style: italic;">"Any old dead fish can float down the stream, but it takes a live one to swim up the stream." </span></span>Then he'd suggest I give an idea what he called "the smell test" before I acted on it.<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br /></span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">There is a whole lot about contemporary dating and courtship--and about contemporary perspectives on ROMANCE in general--that really "stink of GROUP THINK." </span>Consider just a few examples:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:100%;" ><br /></span> <ul style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><li><span style="font-size:100%;">the belief that a lot of dating experiences with <span style="font-style: italic;">a wide variety of partners</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span>will better educate you about what you'll really need in an eventually committed relationship;</span></li><li><span style="font-size:100%;">the idea that <span style="font-style: italic;">many sexual experience(s) in dating</span> will provide you the helpful clarification you need in preparation for a future committed relationship...or...</span></li><li><span style="font-size:100%;">the idea that if you're not sharing yourself sexually with your boy or girl friend, then you're <span style="font-style: italic;">really messed up</span> and he/she won't like you!<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:100%;">the thought that if you're not dating before you are____(you fill-in the age), then there's <span style="font-style: italic;">something seriously wrong</span> with you!<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:100%;">the idea that men and women...at their core...<span style="font-style: italic;">really do want </span>the same things from a relationship;<br /></span></li><li><span style="font-size:100%;">the idea that <span style="font-style: italic;">everybody </span>dates<span style="font-style: italic;">;</span></span></li><li><span style="font-size:100%;">the thought that if you don't like the dating process <span style="font-style: italic;">there's got to be something wrong with you</span>!</span></li><li><span style="font-size:100%;">the perceived <span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">n-e-e-d</span> </span>to live together before marriage;</span></li><li><span style="font-size:100%;">the growing persuasion<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>that commitment to one partner <span style="font-style: italic;">forever</span></span><span style="font-size:100%;"> is probably "old fashioned."</span></li><li><span style="font-size:100%;">Etc, etc.<br /></span></li></ul> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:130%;">Some real, objective, and evaluative homework about these ideas and beliefs will quickly demonstrate they are false, false, false! <span style="font-size:100%;">Try it for yourself!</span></span> These and so many more just like them fail a careful smell test; they "stink of group think." They don't and won't <span style="font-style: italic;">ever</span> lead people to have healthy thoughts about themselves, nor do they promise healthy and enduring relationships of any kind.</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">If I had done just a teeny little bit of homework--for example, if we had just talked to a realtor about the availability of acreages--we would have been much better prepared for the "what came next." Do you have thoughts, questions...observations...about "group think stink." Drop me a note. In the meantime have fun, be safe and above all, be smart!</p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Dick<br /></p> <span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">(PS: So why are these ideas so common and why do they seem so popular? I'll address that next time.)</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /></span><br /></span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-42093732697439618112012-02-17T13:14:00.000-08:002012-02-17T16:08:34.440-08:00Post 1970 Dating Dynamics...and Water Safety<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCeAcWU5ldOBnuFuz1FuPgebri5d135LCbP7tTwaOknAr2X5QSMRt4CCVopFVB4Ft_C83Foayn2NDorcZjUPCDvjNAppZyRasvd2J8dYKHKXQOdWyRmyRmW9PMgKZNx-_hfle-G_P0WJpc/s1600/Teenagers+Eating+Pizza.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCeAcWU5ldOBnuFuz1FuPgebri5d135LCbP7tTwaOknAr2X5QSMRt4CCVopFVB4Ft_C83Foayn2NDorcZjUPCDvjNAppZyRasvd2J8dYKHKXQOdWyRmyRmW9PMgKZNx-_hfle-G_P0WJpc/s320/Teenagers+Eating+Pizza.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5710260353370235602" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:130%;">There are all kinds of dynamics in the dating process.</span> </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Of course its dynamic </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">nature is what makes it so fun and exciting...and even scary! It can excite and challenge us at many levels... intellectually, emotionally, physically, and spiritually! Consequently, it's fun....</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">a-n-d it's a lot of work</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">. </span><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I meet dating people on both ends of the age spectrum who enthusiastically report their dating adventures.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> In just about the same breath they also comment about how </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">"heads-up" they work at dating to achieve what they really want from their experiences. Almost invariably those people generally aren't interested in any one-time or "flash-in-the-pan" dating experiences.</span><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">In recent years dating has become BIG BUSINESS in the United States. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I'd suggest that has really happened since the late 1970's</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> That's not to say that dating wasn't important before, but something "took off!" in the mid- to late 1970's and into the 1980's. After that it didn't take long for the rest of the copy-cat Western mindset world to start catching up. Why? Because where there are physical, emotional, etc., dynamics like the one's we were discussing above, there's the potential to move </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">beaucoup </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">money around...the "moo la la"...."Dollars and cents, baby!"</span> (PS: FYI, I've got nothing against big business.)<br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Why am I saying this? </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Well, just to remind us all that where there's BIG BUSINESS there's marketing. Where there's marketing there's the potential for sales. Where there's a sales potential, there's a potential for significant manipulation. Where there is manipulation there is innocence lost; the potential for disappointed people and "buyer's remorse." </span><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">"Buyer's remorse" can translate the real-life, end-product experiences of previously dating couples</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">--couples who eventually realize disappointment, painful relationship failures, divorces, broken-up families, and step-parent households. Since the whole purpose of </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Smarter Romance</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> is to avoid those heartaches--for all concerned--there's great merit in distinguishing the <span style="color: rgb(102, 51, 102); font-weight: bold;">REAL vs IMAGINARY</span> in the dating process; what's <span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51); font-weight: bold;">REALLY SUBSTANTIVE </span>vs what's really just <span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-weight: bold;">SMOKE</span> and <span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-weight: bold;">MIRRORS</span>; and what's <span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;">SAFE 'n SECURE </span>vs what is <span style="color: rgb(255, 204, 0); font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">RISKY 'n</span> </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">DANGEROUS</span>! </span><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">When I was a small boy my mom was a Water Safety enthusiast and a Certified Water Safety Instructor. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Early in my life she was concerned about my presence around water. She knew how a merely casual, one-time visit to the stream or lake could become sadly life-changing. She helped us kids realize how dangerous open water could be! But she "put her money where her mouth was" teaching us a</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcP7Zn6RDY7oAotOoS3Dg_1kYxRwcBPC9QI5jgEQUKaRIQMJpwI7zCZQ0KJzVjiqtEeibS6ej5KQL-3Xm8yZ1ggELLCOimwIi0Z1lG5wGeuVM-4xPgnvXXqhltyrEYzb9GGXMRWiQK6mI_/s1600/Dicks+Paintings+009.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 242px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgcP7Zn6RDY7oAotOoS3Dg_1kYxRwcBPC9QI5jgEQUKaRIQMJpwI7zCZQ0KJzVjiqtEeibS6ej5KQL-3Xm8yZ1ggELLCOimwIi0Z1lG5wGeuVM-4xPgnvXXqhltyrEYzb9GGXMRWiQK6mI_/s320/Dicks+Paintings+009.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5710259050431459442" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">ll how to swim--</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">and I mean REALLY SWIM! </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">She taught us some relatively simple principles and rules to govern our presence around water, and we learned to work at being good, safe swimmers. So, we all became excellent and smart swimmers and divers sharing a healthy life-long respect and appreciation for the water we loved so much.</span><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">There is an interesting analogy between water safety and the dynamics in dating</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">. As a culture we're perilously inclined to place high priority on being around and enjoying the "open water" of dating--especially and including the casual stuff (--a quick trip to the stream's edge)--WITHOUT our culture ever TEACHING, or even suggesting to us, that there are important insights and skills we can and should learn, and prioritize, to insure our safety around dating's OPEN WATER.<br /><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Smarter Romance</span>'s skills are about loving life, it's experiences, and it's promises</span>. Make them part of your life-skill set.</span><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-54299515325163405972012-01-12T13:08:00.016-08:002012-05-07T10:28:50.203-07:00"...just tickling the frogs..."<a href="http://bdnpull.bangorpublishing.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Pets-Frogs-and-Toads-600x382.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" src="http://bdnpull.bangorpublishing.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Pets-Frogs-and-Toads-600x382.jpg" style="float: left; height: 382px; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; width: 600px;" /></a><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: 180%;"><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />That "tickling the frogs" phrase was used by a young female celebrity in a recent interview I heard. </span>It was her reference to all the one night stands she's doing on her way to someday finding "Mr. Right." Her implication was, of course, that her many sexual experiences--her "promiscuity"--will eventually lead her to the "right guy."<br /></span><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-size: 130%;">I believe she's got good intentions.</span> Her response was a</span><span style="color: black;"> friendly, spontaneous statement made in a very impromptu T.V. interview format. She gave her vie</span><span style="color: black;">wing audience a glimpse "behind the curtain" into her personalized plan for finding her "Mr. Right."<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;">Clearly, the West's 21st Century's Romance Development "plan"</span> for <span style="font-style: italic;">finding and enjoying a mutually committed relationship</span> doesn't offer a Gold Medal recipe. If there's any type of protocol for the process and spirit behind today's behavior it may be well-defined in phrases like, "If it seems right...do it," "To each his own," "Practice makes perfect," "Whatever floats your boat," "Different strokes for different folks," or, "Just makin' my way as best I can," etc.<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;">But do you, like me, find it curious that THE process for finding a durable, satisfying relationship with the opposite sex<span style="font-size: 180%;"> <span style="font-style: italic;">is a mystery</span></span>? </span></span><span style="color: black;">We get the distinct impression that finding a mate is a new and recent phenomenon--something so new that we've not yet figured it out completely. </span><span style="color: black;">Sure, </span><span style="color: black;">I agree that the "opposite sex" is typically viewed mysteriously by it's counterpart, but that's not what we're talking about here.</span><span style="color: black;"> The implied assumption in all this is that there is no proven, fail-safe perspective or process for lovers to find real confidence or security in the courtship--it's an every man or woman for herself situation.<br /><br /><span style="font-size: 130%;"><span style="font-size: 180%;">OK, I can understand why and how that kind of thinking might be necessary on the deck of the sinking Titanic</span>, </span>but it makes no sense when we're discussing an issue that's part of the bedrock of civilizations, of marriage, family, and of cultures in general. This is stuff that's been unquestionably common experience for a long, long time. <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">So, l</span></span><span style="color: black; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">et's get real!</span><span style="color: black;"> The actual reason we're told finding our "Mr or Mrs. Right" is a 21st Century mystery process lies in the fact that "<a href="http://home.messiah.edu/%7Erburwell/courtship.htm">forces in our society</a>" actually want it that way." Mystery in dating and romance serves some personal, commercial, political, or institutional purpose; </span><span style="color: black; font-style: italic;">somebody benefits from the inherent confusion! </span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 130%;">Do you remember how the Wizard's "power" was broken in the movie, <span style="font-style: italic;">The Wizard of Oz</span>?</span><span style="color: black;"> Take a lesson from the movie, then don't allow yourself to be fooled. There is no mystery when it comes down to an appropriate protocol for finding your own Mr. or Mrs Right. An adventure? Yes. A quest? Certainly. But must it be a mystery---NO!</span><br />
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<span style="color: black; font-size: 130%;">The simple tools, insights, and skills in <span style="color: red;">Smarter Romance</span> are all you'll need or want--"frog tickling" is not required.</span><span style="color: black;"> So, whether you're casually dating or you're completely serious to find a committed, durable, mutually satisfying and happy relationship, there are some comparatively simple and time-proven means to make it happen for you.</span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><br style="color: black;" /><span style="color: black; font-weight: bold;">So, what are your thoughts and questions? </span><br style="color: black;" /><br style="color: black;" /><span style="color: black;">...and until next time have fun, be safe, and be smart!</span><br style="color: black;" /><br style="color: black;" /><span style="color: black;">Dick</span><br style="color: black;" /></span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-49401397367670339142011-12-19T14:11:00.000-08:002012-01-03T15:16:46.929-08:00So, What Do You Want for Christmas?<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-size:180%;">Do you have a pretty serious and fun relationship going</span> with a special someone this holiday season?</span> The season's opportunities for special events with your respective sets of family members can provide a real treasure chest of information for both of you. If you're invited into some part of your partner's family festivities, you should consider yourself very fortunate. The dynamics of you</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGsqmXV1CYSlQPedzw_csIYM8amt8mu4GyYyE5QSh5HSplcpq9vriyIVom1Ehwc61hONPzSoP32woNAjYkOVu108suVlIK8DnNsR47-3IrViRNbjPqh9XUjquLOrEJYaPZqh-GII5cb-Qd/s1600/IMG_1859.JPG"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGsqmXV1CYSlQPedzw_csIYM8amt8mu4GyYyE5QSh5HSplcpq9vriyIVom1Ehwc61hONPzSoP32woNAjYkOVu108suVlIK8DnNsR47-3IrViRNbjPqh9XUjquLOrEJYaPZqh-GII5cb-Qd/s320/IMG_1859.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5687974917017463474" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">r partner's family can offer some special insights into the "how" and "why" of your special someone's future holiday plans and experiences--and maybe your own! </span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">While you're there</span>, what should you be l</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:130%;">ooking for; to whom or what should you give any special attention? </span><br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;">So, you might find the s</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" >uggestions (below) helpful.</span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-size:100%;" >But, before you attend the event with your partner, be prepared to jot some personal "soon a</span></span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:130%;" ><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);font-size:100%;" >fter the event" notes to yourself.</span> </span>These will be valuable to help you remember your specific, personal thoughts and feelings in response to the questions below:</span> <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />What's the TONE?</span> <ul style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><li>If this is a general family gathering, something your partner's family does every year, observe who attends, what kind of a mood is the family in, and is there any one person, or several people, who seem to set the tone for the rest of the group?</li><li>As best you can, describe the group "tone" you felt. Use your own descriptive words and phrases and be as specific as you can about what you thought you observed and felt.<br /></li><li>If some of the family members do not attend, maybe you can get some information--ask some questions--to find out what those family members are doing, or maybe where they are, and whether their absence is unusual--or maybe it's typical for them?</li><li>How well do you feel you "fit" into the tone of this family group--that's to say, if you were able to be around the family watching and listening "like a fly on the wall"--how would the dynamics of this group experience feel to you over time</li></ul><p style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153); font-weight: bold;">Where's the LEADERSHIP?</p><ul style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><li>Who appears to be the principle organizer (or organizers?) of these kinds of events? Is this the same person--or the same people--who seem to set the tone for the group?</li><li>What is your partner's relationship to, and what do you think is the level of comfort your partner has with the organizer(s)?</li><li>Does your partner have a specific role and responsibilities? What are those responsibilities, and does your partner like these responsibilities? How can you tell?</li><li>How well do you think your partner accomplishes those responsibilities?</li><li>If your partner is NOT the organizer--or one of them--do you think the organizer(s) agree(s) with y our partner's assessment of his/her role? do you think the organizer(s) would agree with your assessment of your partner's role? What are your thoughts?</li></ul><p style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;">What are the ROLES and RELATIONSHIPS?</p><ul style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><li>What kind of a role does your partner appear to play in the family, and--as your partner's guest--how does your partner contribute to the tone you believe you hear and feel?</li><li>Are these people in this family group "all alike" or are they all "completely different?" What is your opinion of them as a group? Individually?</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Be yourself; </span>don't be somebody you're not. Engage with people the way you normally do and observe what happens, how people respond to you, and how that feels to you.</li><li>Among the various members of this family group, who do you suspect you can relate to the best? The least? Why? What's going on for you (inside) as you respond to these questions?</li></ul><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">OK. Have fun with this. If you do get a chance to attend each others family events...it's even better--icing on the proverbial cake!</p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:130%;">I highly encourage you to find some "together" time after the holidays <span style="font-size:100%;">when you two can sit-down and share your respective observations--your answers to these questions--with one another.</span> </span>In and of itself, the experience of your sharing what you saw and felt can be a really valuable experience for your developing relationship. Among other things, it will give you some first-hand insight into each others family and help you sample some of the dynamics there. It can help you explore how you feel about them, personally, and then how well and how comfortably you can discuss your experiences, feelings, and perceptions with one another--<span style="font-style: italic;">as a team</span>. I use the word, TEAM, because it accurately represents what you may become--together--in the not to distant future. (And how does that thought feel to you?)<br /></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Until next time...have fun...be safe...be smart!</p><p><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-size:180%;" ><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Happy</span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0); font-weight: bold;">Holidays!</span></span><br /></p>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-8029697944556153012011-11-29T12:34:00.000-08:002011-11-29T13:32:26.346-08:00If You're Looking for a Committed Relationship...<span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" ><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Here are seven questions </span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >Smarter Romance</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:180%;"> will answer for you.</span> </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">If you're looking for a committed relationship, these are the questions you should be thinking about and the ones your dating experiences should be progressively answering for you.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> It's not too early and just about never too late to start your </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Smarter Romance</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> adventure:</span><br /><ol style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">What are you doing or what have you already done </span>to assure yourself you will have a durable and satisfying marital experience? (Be specific!)</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">How are you preparing yourself</span> right now to find the "right" partner for you? (Be specific!)</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">What do you expect your partner will have done</span> to help assure a durable and satisfying marital relationship with you? (Be specific!)</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">What do you believe are the key factors </span>a person must consider when it comes to preparing oneself for a marriage <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIoOf-XNwRnL9bOxe46fLnAz4tp9lzWQdplh3fzU4JECmHx5dtm2PuY9dP0rp5ryULXRRx8aBD00crceP7CJe8UP6t-wVBS79H6m_4m2XUM0dQQTxpoUVewqlhTHZzx6Tx15LAToSEU5o4/s1600/Wild+Sunflower.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 299px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIoOf-XNwRnL9bOxe46fLnAz4tp9lzWQdplh3fzU4JECmHx5dtm2PuY9dP0rp5ryULXRRx8aBD00crceP7CJe8UP6t-wVBS79H6m_4m2XUM0dQQTxpoUVewqlhTHZzx6Tx15LAToSEU5o4/s400/Wild+Sunflower.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680527039649002546" border="0" /></a>relationship that promises durability and satisfaction? (Please be as specific as you can.)</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">What level of competency must be established around these key factors</span> to realistically assure you that your relationship will be durable and satisfying? (Be specific!)</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">How are you going to know--unquestionably</span>--that you and your partner share these competencies? (Be specific!)</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">How can you practice your marital "crash landing" skills </span>before you get married to insure your confidence in your relationship's survival when things get really tough? (Again, be specific. Can you offer some examples?)</li></ol><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:130%;">For your information</span>,</span> not one of these questions can be correctly answered with a response like,<span style="font-style: italic;"> "We'll live together before we get married."</span> Why? Because it doesn't work. (<a href="http://smarterromance.blogspot.com/2011/08/divorced-but-heart-still-looks-for.html">Click here</a>.)</p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Let me know what you think about this.</span> Leave your comments, below, or email me at <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">smarterromance@gmail.com</span>. Believe me, if you're looking for a satisfying, committed, long-term relationship--one your children will thrive in and your friends will envy--<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Smarter Romance </span>dating is what you want today!</p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Have fun, be safe, and be smart!</span><br /></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /></p><p><br /></p>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-9454618681651445442011-09-29T10:32:00.000-07:002011-09-29T10:46:22.648-07:00Why Should Adolescents Do Smarter Romance Dating?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5S_qev0zFSERJkdYk7tIPx7WyjE_D024D1BlfNeIfSe82lz-G8UH80rS_0_RQBvaIGXwVs3hine4ZBipce_aTH7pSNf0XmIzLYwOe7w5JRRl9GVGNXfhNhWKMa6CzrbnNMpuvi8gGJxbH/s1600/Teens+Eating+Pizza.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5S_qev0zFSERJkdYk7tIPx7WyjE_D024D1BlfNeIfSe82lz-G8UH80rS_0_RQBvaIGXwVs3hine4ZBipce_aTH7pSNf0XmIzLYwOe7w5JRRl9GVGNXfhNhWKMa6CzrbnNMpuvi8gGJxbH/s1600/Teens+Eating+Pizza.jpg" border="0" /></a></div><span style="color:black;"><span style="font-size:small;"><span style="font-size:large;"><b>"OK, so what's in it for me?"</b></span> It's an absolutely super question! If you're a thinking adolescent guy or gal then you should be asking it--that is if you haven't been asking it already. <b><span style="color:blue;">How does, for example, a 15 year-old self-respecting guy or gal benefit from Smarter Romance dating? </span></b>Consider this (actually abbreviated) list of ways you can benefit from <span style="color:red;">SR</span> dating...and this list is not in any particular order.</span></span><br /><ol><li><span style="color:black;"><span style="font-size:small;"><b><span style="color:red;">SR</span> will help you discover and <span style=";color:white;" ></span>begin to place greater value on the <i style="color:blue;"><span style="color:blue;">relationship development </span>process</i><i><span style="color:blue;"> </span></i>in general--especially between guys and gals. </b></span></span></li><li><span style="color:black;"><span style="font-size:small;"><b>It will help you recognize how <span style="background-color: blue;color:black;" ></span><span style=";color:white;" ><span style="color:black;">friendship and relationship development and maintenance is </span><i><span style="color:blue;">an acquired skill</span></i>--a skill you can get really good at!</span><span style="background-color: rgb(243, 243, 243);"></span></b></span></span></li><li><span style="color:black;"><span style="font-size:small;"><b>It will help you <i><span style="color:blue;">place a</span><span style="color:blue;"> </span><span style="background-color: white;color:blue;" >high priority on time-tested values</span></i> like personal integrity, fidelity, honesty/truth-telling, trustworthiness and dependability/reliability, etc. And the <span style="color:red;">SR </span>environment offers a marvelous place to learn and to practice these.</b></span></span></li><li><span style="color:black;"><span style="font-size:small;"><b>It will support you and teach you how to <i><span style="color:blue;">develop some really good male-female communication and collaboration skills. </span></i></b></span></span></li><li><span style="color:black;"><span style="font-size:small;"><b>It will help you <span style="color:blue;">clarify some "mysteries"</span> often associated with male-female relationships through your own real-time, dynamic experiences that include cooperative problem-solving.</b></span></span></li><li><span style="color:black;"><span style="font-size:small;"><b>It will help you <i><span style="color:blue;">build on and grow your innate, home-based character qualities</span></i> and it will reward your appreciation for these qualities.</b></span></span></li><li><span style="color:black;"><span style="font-size:small;"><b><span style="color:red;">SR</span> will reward and <i><span style="color:blue;">excite you with a sense of pride</span></i> in shared guy-gal successes and cooperative accomplishments.</b></span></span></li><li><span style="color:black;"><span style="font-size:small;"><b><span style="color:red;">SR</span> will help you <i><span style="color:blue;">develop greater appreciation and respect</span></i> for the insight and the constructive input you can receive from other people--like parents, peers, and other genuinely interested adults. </b></span></span></li><li><span style="color:black;"><span style="font-size:small;"><b>It will help you discover "Why?" and it will grow your "Want to" when it comes to placing a high priority on the value and the role of interpersonal <i><span style="color:blue;">accountability in guy-gal friendships</span></i> and relationships. </b></span></span></li><li><span style="color:black;"><span style="font-size:small;"><b><span style="color:red;">SR</span> will help you to better <i><span style="color:blue;">know and understand yourself</span></i>. </b><b> </b></span></span></li></ol><span style="color:black;"><span style="font-size:small;"></span></span><br /><b><span style="color:black;"><span style="font-size:small;">There is a lot more that can be listed...but that would probably be b-o-r-i-n-g! You and your date--your SR teammate--are always the direct beneficiaries of your <span style="color:red;">SR</span> process. And oh, there is one thing that is not chronically present with <span style="color:red;">SR </span>Dating: CONFUSION!</span></span></b><br /><b><br /></b><br /><b>So, have fun, be safe, and be smart!</b>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-37631280157553676002011-08-16T13:16:00.000-07:002011-08-22T13:52:56.359-07:00Divorced, but the heart still looks for an enduring love?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.skegness.gov.uk/images/photo-album/switch_large.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 800px; height: 533px;" src="http://www.skegness.gov.uk/images/photo-album/switch_large.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>
<br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:130%;">"It really hurts!"</span> As a general rule it's what people say about divorce</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> Other factors aside, those contributing most to the pain's severity often depend on the length of the relationship before the divorce. Longer marriages often include children, so there are complex and appropriately deliberated considerations with provisions to meet their developing needs. There are also lots of financial and logistical complications and many legal and court-related issues, schedules, and an array of dizzying assignments.
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<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Nevertheless, with the passage of time divorced partners often begin to think about giving love another try.</span> Men generally venture that direction sooner than women.</span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Having experienced that kind of pain once, nobody wants to see the hideous jaws of a Divorce Dragon ever again.</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">But remember this:<span style="font-style: italic;"> nobody ever expected to face that monster when they began their first marriage either!</span> So how is the self-preserving and sincerely good-intentioned guy or gal supposed to dodge the pain-inflicting "critter" that is so obviously capable of this stealth--how can a person prevent divorce from happening again?! </span> <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">
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<br />It's frequently been said, "When you sense the right person has come along there's a new willingness to face and take the risk again."</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> Arm-in-arm couples then do what they believe they can and must do, realistically, to hedge themselves against the troubling risk factors for another divorce.
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<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Here's the short list of tools people routinely employ for this purpose,</span> but I've offered a realistic albeit brief "downside" discussion about these tools, too. My words may be helpful--and sobering. </span>
<br /><ol><li style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255); font-weight: bold;">People generally conclude they have learned things from their experiences in a first (or second, etc.) relationship that can make the next effort more durable.</span> They genuinely believe these "lessons learned"will offer them some helpful and practical insight<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">s; they'll provide foundation for a renewed sense of confidence in this "second (or third, etc.,) time around.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">" Actually, second marriages fail faster, 60-75%, than first marriages (40-50%), and third marriages fail even faster, 70-85%. So, research says, "No!"</span></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">People tend to bring a "test drive" mentality into their second relationship</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">--especially if they didn't do it in their first relationship .</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Of course the idea comes straight out of the "Automobiles For Sale" section of the classified ads. The logic behind it seems to work for automobiles, so why not relationships...right!? This reasoning has some apparently good surface logic to it; but it doesn't work. In fact, living together before marriage actually tends to predict a</span><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> higher</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> likelihood for divorce. It tends to set-up the vary opposite dynamics from what one would expect! Couples who live together before getting married run a 60-75% chance of divorce (compared to the marrying general public's 40-50% likelihood of divorce).</span></li><li><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Couples who've been hurt in previous marriage(s) may decide they just won't get married again; </span>but they agree to live together in their own kind of "no fault" situation indefinitely.<span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">In this kind of scenario the thinking goes like this: </span></span></span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">"If we can't work we'll just amicably part company; no harm no foul."</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> Actually that may work for some short relationships, but quite often couples in this category still get hurt, and if the relationship goes on for several years (and many do)....</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">ugh</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">, there's typically more pain! FYI, relationships like these generally come under states' "Common Law" statutes, and depending on the state, judgments are handled down from the bench as if they were marriages. I'll leave the details for how all that can be and feel to your imagination.</span>
<br /></li></ol> <span style="font-weight: bold;">Ok, enough of this stuff! <span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">So what can good intentioned couples that will realistically hedge their risk in ways that offer better odds for relationship (marriage!) success?</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> I suggest a </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Smarter Romance</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">. Develop a relationship on the strength of good </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">SR</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> principles using the </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">SR</span> </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">system. </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">SR</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> can give you the information you need and help you acquire the relational insights you want. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">SR </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">will help you avoid making a decision you will regret...again.</span>
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<br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">That's it for now. Have fun, be safe, but above all be smart!</span>
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<br />Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-3672938000155611842011-06-27T15:02:00.000-07:002011-06-28T16:04:32.089-07:00Dating and Courtship Are Inherently Complicated<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsD4SLECo_fMlQ4EOeEx5ETnKa8L-reDTVyNkhWRnZNe2nNI4_lRnKGjr7803If-lzSexdKQa72xSm1bsWn1l3a828y1t3VE1Jb6Q4G_WkmZ-QD3Vx21kxrJ2Q9xM4jLN3t6EpIeyNPGkx/s1600/Nathan%2527s+Raggidy+Ann+%2526+Andy.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 295px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsD4SLECo_fMlQ4EOeEx5ETnKa8L-reDTVyNkhWRnZNe2nNI4_lRnKGjr7803If-lzSexdKQa72xSm1bsWn1l3a828y1t3VE1Jb6Q4G_WkmZ-QD3Vx21kxrJ2Q9xM4jLN3t6EpIeyNPGkx/s400/Nathan%2527s+Raggidy+Ann+%2526+Andy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5623054910958745970" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Should anyone expect their first date and the relationship it develops to lead to marriage? </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">There are two answers to that question: a real one and an ideal one. But there is also a flock of complicating factors to that answer that jump into the air like startled birds. They flit back and forth between the realistic answer and the ideal one.<br /><br /></span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Nobody wants a complicated dating process.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> For sure nobody wants it to be too emotionally challenging or, God forbid, painful! So I suspect we would all be quick to agree generally good intentions are behind the desire people have for the IDEAL dating experience. Keep in mind, however, this kind of thinking is pretty much the same stuff that could have pushed me to buy a new Ferrari soon after I passed my driver's test at the age of 18. Why didn't I actually do that? It wouldn't have turned out well. A few incidental obstacles like money, no credit history, comparatively little driving skill, escalating insurance--a lot of silly obstacles (those startled birds I mentioned earlier) prevented my acting on my ideal. Aha, reality has something to do with this!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">So, what are some of the complicating factors?</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> Consider, for example (with some overlap), your maturity level, the maturity of those around you, your expectations, family expectations and regional expectations and norms, interpersonal competition, religious values and expectations. Add value differences, socio-cultural differences, personality differences, other demographics and life circumstances, or events including surprises and tragedies, etc. That list could probably dribble on through a full page!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">There is no special secret, no special prayers, no amazing formulas, no adviser high paid or not paid, no pill, potion, pastor, priest, or parent, etc.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">--there's no magic tool anyone can employ to uncomplicate the process for "finding the love of your life." Nope, not even, for example, if you employ some amazing razzmatazz internet dating Genie. There are no short-cuts. So, if you are smart (and I know you are because you are reading this blog), you simply need to wisely invest time in the process to discover confident compatibility. It won't just happen; it's an active pursuit!</span> <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br />So, what is the single most promising scenario to help you in a successful dating and courtship process? </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Yes, it's still complicated, maybe even painful from time to time, but you need to let that be OK. Finding "the love of your life" is wrapped-up in the three things to which <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Smarter Romance</span> is dedicated: as a team 1.) getting timely, good, and wise counsel, 2.) being dedicated to a plan with perseverance and patience, and 3.) growing a keen self and team-awareness through collaborative, goal oriented experiences.</span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">If you want to know more abou</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">t </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Smarter Romance</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">, please drop me a note, Tweet me <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">@SmarterRomance</span>, or mail me through my Facebook page. </span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">You can even find me on LinkedIn.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">In the meantime have fun, be safe, and be smart!</span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-58848005632988442242011-03-29T08:12:00.000-07:002011-04-14T12:48:34.340-07:00Running the Bases: Sliding Head-First Into Third!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2iPFnYblBxZT6itIVNbjlIZssNIzq6ChQDm4KEv7g4Jc1iQGMSaiW6rp6j02OcT5pT-UGtA0Pkn0ciXmwBYvHlLk-EaLlBSeAXm5NcpyoywuwKPRr-WmebEgeKeEYUQdnHrcuORX7cmQm/s1600/Dicks+Paintings+002.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2iPFnYblBxZT6itIVNbjlIZssNIzq6ChQDm4KEv7g4Jc1iQGMSaiW6rp6j02OcT5pT-UGtA0Pkn0ciXmwBYvHlLk-EaLlBSeAXm5NcpyoywuwKPRr-WmebEgeKeEYUQdnHrcuORX7cmQm/s400/Dicks+Paintings+002.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595502508927727410" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:180%;">Are you dating?</span><br /></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Does your dating behavior matter?<br />Are you, like so many other "players," hitting those high, infield-fly balls, racing around first, and (because of a fielder's error--"thank-you very much!) catching the corner at second to <a href="http://rkbrandowpainter.blogspot.com/">slide safely into third base</a>?! </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Let me ask some really basic questions:</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> "What's dating about anyway?" Why do you date and who? How frequently...once a month, twice...once a week or two, three times a week...what? How do you choose? What are your expectations; what do you do; where do you like to go; and who decides? </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Who approaches who...n'...are there "rules of invitation," who pays for what...why...and..perhaps, what's dating in the big mix of life's "bigger games?"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Last year in an August 20th blog entry I compared dating behavior to a snapshot.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> I said it's an "in the moment" still picture--of you. Who are you; what do you look like--I mean this from the perspective of people you've dated? I quizzically mused about "tall" people of integrity--or maybe some other kind of person or people of comparatively more questionable integrity than...well...you?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">And that kind of inquiry, if you are dating or think you are going to be dating, leads me to make some related observations.</span> For example, we live in this societal age of casual and "comfortable fit," of various forms in "lift" and up-sizing, of gigabytes and werewolf bites; where emphasis is often on stimulating and </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">spontaneity, and</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> on "more" and "longer," and "bigger is better, " and "sick" is exciting and cool! I'm talkin' about hamburgers 'n fries, n' seeing curious couples in tubs, n' jeans, n' flops, n' crocks, about styled undies n' thinner "laps," n' hips, n' wide-screen TV's. Lest we forget, too, how active games are eclipsed by passive gaming--consoles, game boards and joy sticks replace rackets, balls, and neighborhood outside adventures...and as the story goes, we "<a href="http://www.wiishopexpress.com/default.asp">Wii</a>, wii, wii, wii all the way home." And...if you're a next generation type or a "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_Y">Y-Gen</a>" ("Millennial"), the newest and fastest work themes you find are, like, "work from home," and driven by "quality of life, " n' by "equal pay for equal work" concerns, and a variety of societal demigods tutored by gymnastical themes of political correctness.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">So, that curiously and briefly observed, I think, more now than ever before a dating person needs to ask him or herself, "Who do I want to be?...What's important to me...n' Why? </span>Generational contrasts are to be anticipated. However, there is little question that changes of the past several decades are eroding important gut elements about who we are--or were--as a society and, consequently, about who we really want to be, personally and individually.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Of course I'm referring to slow cultural movements observed in characteristic societal markers, </span>like <a href="http://www.npc.umich.edu/poverty/">poverty rates</a>, <a href="http://family.jrank.org/pages/1574/Single-Parent-Families-Demographic-Trends.html">number of single-parent households</a>, crime statistics, <a href="http://www.divorcerate.org/">divorce rates</a>, <a href="http://www.manhattan-institute.org/html/cr_baeo_t1.htm">high school graduation rates</a> <a href="http://education-portal.com/articles/Leaving_Men_Behind:_Women_Go_to_College_in_Ever-Greater_Numbers.html">comparing men and women</a>, etc<span style="font-weight: bold;">. </span>Upon close inspection these reveal some fundamental deterioration in who we've been and where we're going now as a society. These statistical markers reflect changes in some important elements of our cultural soul that, by general agreement, have historically contributed to make us--as a society-- a tall, handsome, muscular, athletic, and respected member of the global community. Frightfully, now, we're becoming the shadow of our former "self;" we are served anxiously and temporarily by our historical reputation. All of us, parts of the contemporary societal whole, are both influenced by and potentially influencing this continued deterioration--this cultural slide.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">So, I ask, who are you? </span>If you're a teen, a young adult, or a seasoned vet now returning to the dating game again, when it comes to something as supposedly innocent and insignificant as your dating behavior (yes, you're just one person among so many millions), are you a "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Givers-Takers-Other-Lovers-Living/dp/0842310312">Giver, Taker, or some Other Kind of...</a>" romancer? Are you lucky and s-l-i-d-i-n-g? Believe me, it matters--and a lot more than you may want to know or believe!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Revisiting those original questions I asked, above</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">, "What's dating about anyway?" Why date and who does it? How frequently...once a month, twice...once a week or two, three times a week...what? Who do you date and how do you choose? What are your expectations; what do you do; where do you like to go,and who decides? </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Who approaches who...or...are there "rules of invitation," and who pays for what...why? I challenge you to make all those questions fit into a package and a purpose for you that's about your personal character development and future success--"muscle building" and personal growth of the HIGHEST ORDER. Believe me, it is contagious--a good infection that our entire Western society needs to be re-exposed to--and catch! <span style="font-style: italic;">Ker-chew!</span> You'll be glad you did; you'll accrue handsome and tall benefits for the rest of your life.</span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">That's </span><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Smarter Romance </span><span style="font-weight: bold;">for now. Be good. Be safe. Be smart!</span></span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br />Dick</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-36121469732972170902011-02-28T09:36:00.000-08:002011-03-12T07:11:47.348-08:00For the Parents of Dating or "Wanna-Be" Dating Teens<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuX0yXRrTDDsg_zZxXD3QK_XlnYfl1UGq5zxBF4WnlFf0fpDei4khlyjxQ1JVhKgvcpaNGeY9dCn8gYhL2fVg06HYujBREg8fKF_lgRgR6uuwVr2cq4CO6ZYS95I8Bt9_kxftr2T-ekk2V/s1600/Is+she+dating+smart.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 262px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuX0yXRrTDDsg_zZxXD3QK_XlnYfl1UGq5zxBF4WnlFf0fpDei4khlyjxQ1JVhKgvcpaNGeY9dCn8gYhL2fVg06HYujBREg8fKF_lgRgR6uuwVr2cq4CO6ZYS95I8Bt9_kxftr2T-ekk2V/s320/Is+she+dating+smart.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5583211384287561778" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Let's face it, there really is a lot about the contemporary dating scene that makes parents of dating teenagers nervous.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> For moms and dads with dating-aged children, nervousness quickly becomes an "occupational hazard." Just rehearse, for example, some of the provocative themes and posturing featured in any given week's television sitcoms---ugh, there's justified angst for sure! If you're like me, you can painfully picture</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">your</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> Johnny or Suzie</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> dating "like that" and you pray, "Oh God, help us!"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br />So, what else do you do? </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Consider some helpful suggestions:</span><br /><ul style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Don't let em date until their "old enough" </span>(whatever that means?)! Check out this helpful site and let me know what you think. (<a href="http://www.byparents-forparents.com/article8.html">Click</a>)<br /></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">"Sign them up" and require their card-carrying commitment to a local "</span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.intervarsity.org/studentsoul/item/why-wait">Why Wait</a><span style="font-weight: bold;">"</span> support group--or maybe you can help start one! (It's a great resource that I can heartily recommend. This specific connection (above) is through <span style="font-style: italic;">Inter Varsity Christian Fellowship</span>.)<br /></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Introduce your teens to "</span><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.smartmarriages.com/directory/158">Wait Training</a>.<span style="font-weight: bold;">"</span> It can help you help your teens to prayerfully co-enlist some similar and over-lapping commitments to the variety of collaborative concepts and principles "out there" for dating and courtship.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Invest yourself in the resources of your local church. </span>You're not alone when it comes to answering these questions and identifying some helpful resources. If your church does not offer resources of this nature, I suspect there are churches in your area that do. Discuss this with your pastor or priest. Churches and pastoral teams will often work collaboratively to support congregational needs, so make your inquiries. </li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">If your teens--or maybe you--are not church oriented</span> per se, review the resources you will find through, for example, <a href="http://www.smartmarriages.com/index.html">Smart Marriages</a> and various national consortium (like Parents For Parents). I offered a site, above, but here it is again....(<a href="http://www.byparents-forparents.com/article8.html">Click</a>).<br /></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Finally, keep in mind that these very helpful programs and resources, for the most part, will not necessarily provide your teen a routine dating paradigm. </span>Please permit me to be painfully realistic here. The world around them, as frustrating as this may be for parents, will still try to provide that paradigm for your teens--and they will remain very tempted to buy into it! Consequently, you can help them get the customizing tools they need--tools that will help them confidently mold their dating attitude, expectations, and habits around <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">their</span> personal (and sometimes peculiar?) styles and values. That's huge...and it's what <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Smarter Romance</span> is all about.</li></ul><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Right now the manuscript, </span><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Smarter Romance</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">, is available to you as a PDF ($15).</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> I will email it to you at your request. (You'll find a description of its contents...</span><a style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" href="http://smarterromancetools.blogspot.com/">click here</a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">.) I am available for seminars and tutorials. Call and/or email me. I'm happy to help.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Helen Keller had it right when she said, </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 102, 0);">"Many persons have the wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose." </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">OK. That's </span><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Smarter Romance</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> for now. Remember, you can help your teens have fun, be safe, and be smart.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Dick</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">email: smarterromance@gmail.com</span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-20848017829329837442011-01-20T07:03:00.000-08:002011-02-10T15:22:11.599-08:00Sorting Those Exciting and Confusing Male-Female Attractions<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:trackmoves/> <w:trackformatting/> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:donotpromoteqf/> <w:lidthemeother>EN-US</w:LidThemeOther> <w:lidthemeasian>X-NONE</w:LidThemeAsian> <w:lidthemecomplexscript>X-NONE</w:LidThemeComplexScript> <w:compatibility> 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10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-priority:99; mso-style-qformat:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin-top:6.0pt; mso-para-margin-right:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:0in; mso-para-margin-left:.25in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-fareast-font-family:Calibri; mso-bidi-font-family:"Times New Roman";} </style> <![endif]--> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style=";font-family:";" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">There's some insight in the old adage, "Birds of a feather flock together."</span> Quite generally it's true and predictive that people who share the same values, interests, and styles will live, work, and be around one another in comparative harmony. But that's not to dismiss the value found in mixing peoples' styles, interests, and values for the way the differences can create alternative outcomes to upgrade a perspective, grow motivation, and enhance effectiveness.</span><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgBZSOwYDGIoAyy39PdzDRYATtAzC4v6KyCFFZSrf5TayChYa9Eu8M0N3apOO_TQMEcwDKhaAPNdz99QnWEpMJ7I_okOTf9U3vO1V3K3heQHzMR43_jsmBJsq8nq_yVqIr1QYqPhWJeGIx/s1600/Birds+of+a+feather.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 213px; height: 160px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgBZSOwYDGIoAyy39PdzDRYATtAzC4v6KyCFFZSrf5TayChYa9Eu8M0N3apOO_TQMEcwDKhaAPNdz99QnWEpMJ7I_okOTf9U3vO1V3K3heQHzMR43_jsmBJsq8nq_yVqIr1QYqPhWJeGIx/s400/Birds+of+a+feather.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5564323142312510146" border="0" /></a></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style=";font-family:";" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Team building experience and related research clearly offers some healthy lessons around the value and merit of a good people-mix. </span>For example, teams' dedication to a shared goal and a commitment to collaboratively achieve that goal can realize some very gratifying results--e.g., a Super Bowl win, a marketing coup, a political victory, etc.<br /><span style=""> </span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The goals of a team are generally well and tightly defined and achievable.</span> But it remains somewhat obvious that outside the dimensions distinguishing a team's goal its various members still live separate lives. They often have very different life interests and ambitions.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Team members value and genuinely need this kind of autonomy for its capacity to respect who they are individually beyond the interpersonal dynamics and skills that serve the team's goals.</span> That's to say the dynamics and skills that generally serve their team commitment are not sufficient in themselves to identify or define the individual members outside of the team context. They remain different "birds" albeit they worked well together serving a specific time-limited goal.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style=";font-family:";" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">When we watch the social interactions of men and women it often appears true that "opposites attract."</span> However, as true as this can be on the surface it does not promise a wise or durable relationship. All too often men and women highly attracted to one another choose to pursue or expand a relationship based solely on their shared attraction. Again, and frequently just as often, those decisions prove disappointing and painful.</span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">As was discussed above, there's little doubt that opposites can work both well and constructively together to achieve shared goals.</span> However, when it comes to long-term male-female relationships involving the dynamics of an emotional intimacy, things can become arguably more complicated.</span></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style=";font-family:";" > <span style="font-weight: bold;">So, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Smarter Romance</span> similarly incorporates a team commitment and a project focus to serve interpersonal and character development goals in dating. </span></span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style=";font-family:";" ><span>But we've "tweaked" the team concept for the sake of helping couples evaluate what <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">may</span> </span>become important longer-term considerations.</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style=";font-family:";" >In the <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">SR</span> context couples cooperatively dedicate themselves to <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><span style="font-style: italic;">their own</span></span> <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">customized and shared</span> sets of goals. Their <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">SR</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span>Team goals actually focus outside of the teammates' immediate relationship.<br /></span></span></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style=";font-family:";" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Collaboratively dedicated to their own projects, dating partners can quickly and better discover who they are as men and women.</span> Then, they can similarly determine if there's any real potential for a constructive and enduring friendship---or if there's any potential for a future satisfying and lasting love with that developing friendship. </span></span></p> <p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">A <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Smarter Romance</span> helps you</span></span><span style=";font-family:";font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;"> from your very first date! </span>SR helps you create a wise and effective environment for constructively managing a date and, maybe, a developing relationship. Then if your team relationship "works" for you, you'll be able to assess, as a team, the wider ranging and complex compatibility questions that can naturally develop.<br /></span></p><p style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";font-size:130%;" >Until next time...have fun, be safe, and be smart!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";font-size:130%;" ><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Dick</span><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";font-size:130%;" ><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">(Comment below or email me at <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">smarterromance@gmail.com</span>)</span><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:";" ><span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /></span></span></span><span style=";font-family:";" > </span></p>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-78786032319532431132010-11-29T08:41:00.000-08:002010-12-06T12:16:06.309-08:00We can think "closeness," but do we do it the same way?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq_yJZ0tNUjb-VPEUcbxv9z2w9b5G0A2rrCPsbU4-2OOUIBnSXJGBHLlxuscL2VlcwfluQeIc4hR1u4_4uDjdC9CJfPlwKkYS5c0sfIzlfIb9fLVnJI_mwJrcKxwXAnIIdphq_MOpXtQgL/s1600/Backyard+Wildflower+Garden.JPG"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjq_yJZ0tNUjb-VPEUcbxv9z2w9b5G0A2rrCPsbU4-2OOUIBnSXJGBHLlxuscL2VlcwfluQeIc4hR1u4_4uDjdC9CJfPlwKkYS5c0sfIzlfIb9fLVnJI_mwJrcKxwXAnIIdphq_MOpXtQgL/s400/Backyard+Wildflower+Garden.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5545028309642352482" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">My friends Nick and Jennifer gradually realized how the things they want from each other are different than each expected.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> But that was not obvious to them as they met and began their dating experiences. They thought they were "on the same relationship page" since they both reported how good being together made them feel. It wasn't until after they were both disappointed and hurt that they could acknowledge this discovery.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Interpersonal closeness is an interesting concept. </span>It comes in a variety of forms--emotional, spiritual, and physical, and it may have other dimensions as well. <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Emotional </span>closeness and <span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">spiritual </span>closeness are distinguished from each other by some important nuances. <span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">Physical </span>closeness speaks for itself to some degree, but may not be easily separated from emotional or spiritual closeness given its influence on both. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">For the sake of illustration, the relationship between these three might be thought of as the lobes of a clover leaf. </span>Each is distinct and separate but joined at a common point of intersection.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> Thinking of them this way prompts us to ask questions like, </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">"Can people be spiritually-emotionally close but not physically close; can we be emotionally-physically close but not spiritually close; can we be closer emotionally than we are spiritually; or what is the relationship between physical closeness and emotional or physical closeness?" </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Interpersonal closeness has some strong perceptual dimensions to it.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> That is to day that a person's perception of his or her closeness to another person is his or hers alone--it may not necessarily be shared at all or to the same degree by the other person! Also, two people may think they are "close," but in fact they may not share an enduring quality of closeness. That's complicated because if they are romantically involved with each other based on that perception of their closeness, they will probably have some sever future surprises. Painful stuff for sure.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Smarter Romance</span> </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">is dedicated to helping you discover these things BEFORE you find yourself making decisions that will have painful consequences. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">In addition to the dynamics inherent in the SR-styled relationship building process, you will find some simple and helpful tools at the <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Smarter Romance Tools </span>blog site. Some are free. Others, considering what they will offer you with my supportive help, are available for a small fee. </span><a style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);" href="http://smarterromancetools.blogspot.com/">Check em out</a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">. (Christmas discounts!)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">So, until next time be safe, have fun, and be smart!</span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-30578113259367188582010-10-22T12:44:00.000-07:002010-11-12T08:07:42.222-08:00SR Nuts & Bolts: Dating Around an Active Theme<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_3awOHD6ZcNdQy0P2ECDE4CqIPnCc5cIcv1xD7UzCQbnIpTuybOu4yh_P_i9Z0yUMrA0ccPrAK0Vqcz-DlQo3M0IDSTM7zxg8zVtpKGbEgnEUIgTROeOSD4Hui86MRxS2Q6lt_JLbSaq2/s1600/IMG_1858.JPG"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_3awOHD6ZcNdQy0P2ECDE4CqIPnCc5cIcv1xD7UzCQbnIpTuybOu4yh_P_i9Z0yUMrA0ccPrAK0Vqcz-DlQo3M0IDSTM7zxg8zVtpKGbEgnEUIgTROeOSD4Hui86MRxS2Q6lt_JLbSaq2/s320/IMG_1858.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5537290630325585410" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span><span style="font-weight: bold;">The family holiday scene, left, represents a variety of cooperative and collaborative dynamics. </span>Those dynamics contribute to make the event a success--or a disappointment.<span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span>Some of the dynamics represented there are complex and demanding. Others are simple and comparatively "free"--all a person had to do was "show up." </span></span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />In general relationships are about cooperation and collaboration.</span><span> Of course cooperation and collaboration can happen at many levels. Cooperation on a championship football team, for example, requires a high degree of complex behavioral dedication to a collaborative effort. By comparison, your daily relationship to your neighbor, although you share some geographic proximity, may require little cooperative or collaborative energy at all. </span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />In my book,</span> <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Smarter Romance</span>,</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> I discuss the merits of people dating around some mutually agreed upon themes. I encourage dating partners to think of themselves as a team. </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">SR</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"> </span>helps couples explore the merits for dedicating themselves, from the very beginning of a dating relationship, to the idea of working together as teammates. Consequently, their initial shared goal is about getting to know each other just well enough to launch into a shared project. They do so with the understanding that they will learn a lot more about each other in the process of working together.</span> <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br />The "<span style="font-style: italic;">getting to know each other</span>" process enlists teammates immediate and active dedication to accomplish something constructive</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">--something they can have fun accomplishing as a team. I call these constructive events "projects," and they can be as simple as building and flying a kite, tag-reading through a book together, or planning a surprise birthday party for a mutual friend. On the other hand they might be comparatively more complex, like planning and then coordinating a big, fun happening for friends, volunteering together to help build a house through Habitat for Humanity, or orchestrating a cross-country trip.</span> <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br />So, the agenda for your first date is already set. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">It's specific and simple: Get initially acquainted by asking each other a lot of good questions! (Of course you can do this over coffee or dinner or...?) The idea at this point is to discuss the things you both like; discover what kinds of things you are each into? This initial effort shouldn't take more than an hour or two and the information will help you get a sense for the kinds of creative projects you might want to set-up and tackle together as a team. Perhaps you realize after even this first date, "Nope, I really don't want to spend any more time with this person." That's real; it's OK.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">If you decide on a second date</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">together, your agenda is effectively set.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> You can meet to firm up what you want to do and how you want to do it together, or you can launch out into your first shared project. Your pooled efforts to accomplish something will quickly uncover a sense of purpose beyond the usual contemporary and predictable dating events with all their associated lulls, surprises, and confusion. "Themes" will quickly and spontaneously play out of what you choose to do together and they will help you identify a larger meaning and purpose for your developing relationship whether it proves to be long or comparatively short.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">SR</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;"> </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">is about character development through constructive dating relationships. Give it a try! You've got everything to gain. Learn more from previous postings, and by all means SIGN UP for the updates, then let me know what you are thinking...leave a comment.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">So, until next time...have fun, be safe, and be smart!</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Dick</span><br /></span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-31875710027680098522010-10-11T14:21:00.000-07:002011-03-10T10:17:30.212-08:00Practice Makes Perfect<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I learned to whistle.</span> I was pretty young. I don't remember who I saw doing it although it might have been my Uncle Ben. I had a pretty high estimation of him. He was one of those "self made man" kind of guys. So whoever it was who got me started, from about six or seven years old I was a whistler. As the years of whistling slipped bye I developed a whistling reputation. I enjoyed it, I did a lot of it, and all that practice developed some skills as a whistler that other people recognized and appreciated. They told me so! (Although I think some people secretly wanted to shut me up....BTW...have you seen <a href="http://purinaanimalallstars.yahoo.com/?v=6544400&l=100000085">a puppy try to whistle?</a>).</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I was also a trumpet player. </span>I've met a bunch of them through the years. (But nobody like the young man in <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4uHTXGKHyRE&feature=related">this video</a>.) I started playing in the sixth grade and then played throughout junior high and high school. I was a pretty good trumpeter, too. I took private lessons for a while--off and on. I was generally first or "second chair" in the band. (I never felt I had had the time to play in the orchestra but I gave the jazz band some serious thought.) Then I thought about playing when I went to college. But I decided my engineering classes demanded more time than I could spare if I was in the band and trying to study for the applied science and engineering classes. It took a lot of practice to get good and stay good, and if I was going to do it I wanted to be one of the best.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I can still whistle. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I can probably still "play" the trumpet, too. (Nobody would want to hear me.) It's interesting how that works, because even though its been many years since I picked up a horn and gave it a serious buzz, there is a lot about it that still feels natural. My fingers can still do the scales and "read" the music even though I can't remember consciously how to do the fingerings--the fingers just "do" it--they somehow know.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">As a general rule we get good at what we practice.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> It gradually becomes part of us. In the case of things we want to get good at it's a good thing. But practicing can also be compromising. As a sophomore in high school I had a good friend, (I'll call him) Ted. Ted and I had grown up in the same neighborhood. He lived half a block from my house. We spent many hours together. Fun in the neighborhood, birthday parties, classes at school, Cub Scouts and the Boy Scouts, summer baseball...you get the idea. The problem really started shortly after we were becoming men--blame it on testosterone? No. But it was about that boy becoming a man process and how Ted focused it's influence on him. Yah. He would spend hours looking at his dad's girlie magazines. </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Playboy </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">was one of his favorites.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">But I was of course a red-blooded, 98.6 degree Fahrenheit, Caucasian male, too.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> (I still am!) I enjoyed looking at those with him, but I became mildly concerned for Ted about the way he would create stories around those pictures. We'd be in his room and he'd start up, "Here's what I would do if I met her in the hallway, or if she came to my room at night..." Then he would rehearse a very elaborate scenario, obviously well-practiced, and he'd unflinchingly act it out detail by small detail. He had many of these. They were little "one man vignettes" each with a bucket full of scintillating plots and scenes carefully choreographed; all-male stuff reaching for and ending punctuated with orgasmic sexual fulfillment.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Long story short: I was uncomfortable! </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I don't remember what I said to Ted in those moments. I do remember finding excuses not to go over to his house when he'd call. Then months flew bye. Gradually we spent zero time together. As you might guess, by the time we were seniors at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XO3x2MszvU4">CHS</a> we'd become "just good ole friends," old acquaintances. We had developed different sets of social connections and effectively walked out of each others lives.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I was in college at <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIIhLh1SETE">OSU</a> when I heard the sad news that Ted was in trouble.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> He was messed up. A woman had charged him with sexual assault. All those uncomfortable experiences I'd had with him there in his house, all my discomfort, it all came flooding back from my memory banks. I realized how all that hungry sexual appetite and behavior Ted carefully, albeit tragically, trained had turned to devour him.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Since that time </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">researchers have learned a lot more about the relationship between people's thinking, fantasy-behavior, and its impact on reality. It boils down to this: Practice makes perfect. Of course in reference to it's impact on Ted, a similar colloquial way of saying it is, <span style="font-style: italic;">"Garbage in, garbage out," </span><span>or in a Biblical phrase, <span style="font-style: italic;">"You are what you think!"</span></span> Ted was seduced by a hormonal buzz. He embraced it. Stupidly then, he dedicated himself to practice a way of being with women that ultimately he acted out--and maybe more than once before he found himself in trouble? Whatever, it didn't have to happen! It did.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Smarter Romance</span> </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">(SR) understands Ted's situation. In fact, <span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">SR</span> </span>exists, in part, because of my old friend--and so many other "Teds" just like him. <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">SR</span> recognizes and appreciates the mystery, frustrations, and the joy we all experience as Guys and Gals in daily male-female interaction. <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">SR</span> is about learning and practicing a healthy, fun, and character-developing set of disciplines that will serve your relationships for decades. So, whether you are 13, 31, or 81 "practice still makes perfect."</span> So, here's the awkward question: <span style="color: rgb(51, 0, 51); font-weight: bold;">"What are your dating expectations, and are you stupidly training any not-so-complimentary "secret" male-female behavior?</span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">If you are, what are you going to do about it?</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br />Have fun, be safe, be smart.</span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-60832602886900096722010-09-24T10:13:00.000-07:002010-10-12T21:17:28.154-07:00My One-on-One with Creativity<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I just came back inside. I've been cruising our yard in the late summer sun. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I was out there in the side-yard of our house chasing an idea for an upcoming blog. As it turned out the idea ran just a little ahead of me (and I'm in pretty good shape!) as I worked tryin my best to capture it. I gave up and came inside...for now.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">So I guess it's still out there</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> (but maybe not in the yard any longer) since it tends to wander around a bit...all that "creative moment" stuff of course. Nevertheless, I'll catch and wrestle it into temporary submission soon. In the meantime I'm working at my "sneakin up" skills.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">So while we're waiting (on the development of those skills) let's give this some thought: </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">What's in your best interests...and how do you know? </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Do you think you have a good answer for those two simple questions? </span></span><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi23IDClUF6DhUwViTn-9IkUKG5Af4ksAhgKFjw2g2GpgGTe2tjjEGsN03GdSDRNeDBIPCCVVSRqwcEue36DFHSHa-G_S9GO8Ejj8E1A0lBe43M0AIRg9_Jb11H6cgSLI_pwr0x9LqtK20j/s1600/Dicks+Paintings+001.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 233px; height: 317px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi23IDClUF6DhUwViTn-9IkUKG5Af4ksAhgKFjw2g2GpgGTe2tjjEGsN03GdSDRNeDBIPCCVVSRqwcEue36DFHSHa-G_S9GO8Ejj8E1A0lBe43M0AIRg9_Jb11H6cgSLI_pwr0x9LqtK20j/s320/Dicks+Paintings+001.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5520543198041592642" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Well, certainly you should wisely respond with something like,</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> "Well, Dick, what are we talking about here? Physical fitness, financial security, family relationships, career development, eating habits, academic disciplines, lifestyle stuff...What?"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">When it comes to the goals of this blog, I'm of course particularly interested to have you consider what you're doing in and with your dating life?</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> It's a fact that what you are doing there has (absolute) implications for literally all of those other things! So how do you believe the stuff you </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">do</span> and <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">think</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> and </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">expect</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> in that interpersonal realm of your dating is in your personal best interests long-term?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I'll come back to that discussion</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">, but unless it's already a well-worn thought path for you, I challenge you to take a leisurely jog along its distance. Follow it "through the woods" and then let me know what you're thinking and what you discover on the way? OK?</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Have fun, be safe....and be smart!</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Dick</span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-44833102519938833422010-08-20T13:33:00.000-07:002010-08-31T09:55:07.375-07:00Your Dating Experiences--A Snapshot of Your Integrity?!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjufP3ttAljaepLYnilvWfUTD9HjF-Alh0PrhWqqkqVNgb2trEKkDzfbOdg1AlerXIAMDOFyRBPEs6RMp0yAbUIcg6TBIhZ7kZdIhoEGanyaPD_L0PNVjrxWjk93YQJeOE8VNt_unHjlAx1/s1600/Mirrored+Integrity.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 142px; height: 160px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjufP3ttAljaepLYnilvWfUTD9HjF-Alh0PrhWqqkqVNgb2trEKkDzfbOdg1AlerXIAMDOFyRBPEs6RMp0yAbUIcg6TBIhZ7kZdIhoEGanyaPD_L0PNVjrxWjk93YQJeOE8VNt_unHjlAx1/s320/Mirrored+Integrity.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5507621637293571730" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Ok. So how do you really know yourself?</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> Are you a person of integrity whose thoughts and commitments are based on something that is solid? Yes--No--What? Is there something that makes you confident, that makes you sure and secure about your personal integrity? Have you ever <a href="http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=OyKhOzKjc5ONcllKe1BTnw_3d_3d">tested your integrity</a> or found yourself in situations that help you know the "solid" something within you really is a dependable anchor? If that's the case then you know it's there and that it's going to be strong in the moments or seasons when temptation and compromise scream in your face, "Run! Cave-in. Fudge it." Then, again, maybe you've found yourself in those situations and come away feeling like a real Sh-muck?!<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">As I was discussing in the previous blog, we can have many distractions and a lot of stuff going on all around us, but if we've got a character anchor we can still be "solid" people.</span> There's no doubt that we can be men and women of integrity regardless of the mesmerizing, toxic or corrosive messages all around us. We all know stories of men and women with real solid character who live or lived around us, near, or at some distance--"Tall" people. </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Smarter Romance</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">, in part,</span></span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;"> </span> is about developing those skills. It will help you design and build your interpersonal character in a way to anchor and then provide valuable support for your dating life in particular.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">A </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Smarter Romance </span><span style="font-weight: bold;">(<span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">SR</span>) gives you a compass and some navigational tools</span>. These can move you toward a confident relational future and, eventually, a solid marriage relationship. That's not magic. It's not something that "just happens some day to two people in love "... and who then walk happily ever after toward the setting sun." Not. Great dating experiences and, eventually, happy marriages are the direct results of good plans executed by people who gradually and skillfully made them a reality. That's pretty much the way it works, but these kinds skills <a href="http://characterfortcollins.org/">spill many benefits into our lives</a> in a variety of other ways, too. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">If you're in the Denver area and you want to know more about</span> <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">SR</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">--maybe you would like to attend a seminar, get more information in general, get your hands on the book, or set-up an informal dialogue with me, just drop me a note (email: <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">smarterromance@gmail.com</span>) or respond with a comment (see below). If you are out of state, but you would like to discuss similar options in your area, please do the same. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">In the words of another, "I'll be back," and in the meantime, have fun, be safe, and be smart!</span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-34930378318272898522010-08-07T14:52:00.000-07:002010-08-11T14:21:52.183-07:00Man-ipulated and Woman-ipulated by "The Force"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg88qYx6da0cWAfPWdgKBdLPhCX3yPYJ2199b_Qg-nwEhVPMm83M12nvKJlaPw_hFHujyr4bFlq-zlerzYDaOFBX2Gz8VLJuvYUIhyphenhyphen_qh7Bsu-v6cq-HHWpFSjidvhiaZLNvzN7CBQ4LotS/s1600/Dick+in+Red.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 292px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg88qYx6da0cWAfPWdgKBdLPhCX3yPYJ2199b_Qg-nwEhVPMm83M12nvKJlaPw_hFHujyr4bFlq-zlerzYDaOFBX2Gz8VLJuvYUIhyphenhyphen_qh7Bsu-v6cq-HHWpFSjidvhiaZLNvzN7CBQ4LotS/s320/Dick+in+Red.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5504265452578946450" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">If you're like me--</span>I know that what I'm talking about here doesn't discriminate between us--you listen to the radio, you watch TV, and you're on the web. You've probably got a computer at home and some portion of it on you phone. You text mail, email, and probably Tweet, you've probably got a Facebook page (0r maybe a professional page like LinkedIn), you frequent U-Tube and you've got friends and relatives who speak some or all these "languages," too. In your circle of friends you keep each other updated, just like the vast majority of your neighbors and friends out there in what is fast becoming the universal communications loop.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">It's great to have all these connections...and maybe a little crazy, too.</span> Because of all these things, and because of the electronic/computer age in general, personal anonymity is very rapidly becoming a thing of the past. Some people think that's great. Other people find it a little scary. Still other people are working to manage it all...working to keep it from getting out of hand for themselves and others too. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">If you visit the internet</span> you are constantly bombarded with a visual feast of stimulating images, sounds, and auditory commands. You can't avoid it. Of course you experience the same thing if you watch the TV where you've got headers at the top of the screen crammed with information, the body of the screen focused on what, hopefully, you intended to watch, and there's that "footer" suddenly streaming information across the bottom of the screen about the weather or some other "urgent" breaking news. It's constant. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I enjoy listening to talk radio.</span> But the radio, just like the other media, is crammed with both the things you wanted to hear--what you tuned in to hear--and all that interruption marketing and extraneous information you would prefer to do without. But alas, it's ALL there droning in your ears, as it were, an audio sandwich with that stuff you really want seasoned not so tastefully with ingredients you could care less about.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Whether you like it or not you are dramatically influenced by all those sights and sounds, images, arguments, persuasive efforts, and ideological propaganda. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Unless you're an inanimate object, like piece of granite, this stuff touches you. It's there; it's a FORCE intended for "impact." At some level, whether you're aware of it or not, you're being man-ipulated! (OK. Woman-ipulated if you're a gal.) Information about a topic or about a person, whether that information is accurate or not, persuades. It influences a person's perception of that topic or of that person. That's why, for example, attack ads during a political campaign can be so potentially damaging. Half-truths, misplaced emphasis, innuendo...it can be damningly influential even after clarifying information has been provided to exonerate or reconcile listeners or viewers to the truth.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I heard a news story yesterday reporting research that shows women have a greater attraction to men wearing the color red.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> Across the City of Denver men are suddenly dressing to wear more red. Whether the research is correct or not--it may be a funny hoax!--men are taking full advantage of the news. Maybe you're one of these guys? Admittedly, for me the idea did not go unnoticed.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">OK. What's the "so what" of all this? Simply this: what's real? How do you know who you really are? How do you know what you stand for? What's enduring and what's not? How do you know it's not just all that manipulation tugging you this way or that, making you want this, shaping your perspective? How do you know?</span> What you think about dating, romance, the opposite sex, relationships, marriage...where and how did you learn to "think" it? Is the way you think it in your best interests? What makes you sure?<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I'll be back. Until then have fun. Be safe. Be smart.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Dick</span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-19496490100689104932010-07-31T09:20:00.000-07:002010-08-03T09:02:21.458-07:00Decisive independence: You got it? How do you know?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjuAmGOHfamcVC8LmE4phoqXpfI64VIZcknu5oUxgDHef1Wuw6AGBmP7whTHK8hEVDKMJKSMARbw8k2nxUzg0DX1G6jSreUJ1Wx24Lc_8SlgOp6mOrrR8CBS6KhOu8XtEx6zrcsLJcP2xf/s1600/300px-Upper_alsea_bay.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 199px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjuAmGOHfamcVC8LmE4phoqXpfI64VIZcknu5oUxgDHef1Wuw6AGBmP7whTHK8hEVDKMJKSMARbw8k2nxUzg0DX1G6jSreUJ1Wx24Lc_8SlgOp6mOrrR8CBS6KhOu8XtEx6zrcsLJcP2xf/s400/300px-Upper_alsea_bay.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5500181354397734706" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I've spent the past bunch of years working in and around the college crowd. </span>Student friends, colleagues, teammates and competitors have filled my daily experiences. Mentoring young men and women, teaching, supporting and counseling young adult couples, career planning and professional development, leadership and spiritual formations are some of the ongoing themes in our shared time, interactions, and discussion. Rarely have I found these men and women wanting to be told who to be, how to act, what to like or what to pursue, when or how fast. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">OK. Let me tell you a little story...</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">When I was a young teen a friend, Steve, and I enjoyed "running" his small boat up and down the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alsea_River">Alsea River</a> near the Oregon coast.<span style="font-weight: bold;"> </span>The boat was powered by a portable Evinrude gasoline engine. As a general rule moving down the river toward Waldport, where the Alsea emptied into the Pacific Ocean, was always easier for the motor whether the tide was coming in or going out. That being said, it was dramatically more challenging for that little motor when the tide had been in (up), had just previously changed direction, and was now rapidly on its way back out toward the open sea!</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">When that happened all the river and ocean water previously forced up the stream by the advancing tide was "stacked" upriver for several miles. So when the tide had now clearly changed directions there was little to keep it from racing back toward the mouth of the river to escape into the bay. If Steve and I were in his little boat heading up the river just after the tide had changed, that little motor was working to push us, in that little boat, "uphill" against all that water now rushing back toward the bay and the open ocean.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Along the river's bank there were a lot of broken down and rotted docks, old moorings, some channel markers, and related river debris somehow fixed to the river bed deep below the water line. We'd pass these artifacts and structures on our way up or down the river. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">On one of my first outings with Steve I remember how interesting it was to come upon a tightly anchored channel buoy. It was bobbing violently against an outgoing tide as we slowly chugged upstream against the same current to pass it. At that time I observed how by looking just at that "protesting" buoy, and if I had not known better, it would have been easy to conclude the buoy was in the jaws of some powerful unseen fish who was dragging it mercilessly and rapidly upstream! But because I knew we were moving (thanks to our busy little Evinrude) and I could assess our progress, albeit slow, by scanning the distant stationary river bank, I knew this buoy was "fixed" even though it appeared to be moving rapidly upriver against the current. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Think with me about that little cameo in time. Two things in that situation kept us properly oriented to what was actually going on there: 1) we could hear the motor, and 2) we could scan the distant river bank to see we were making progress against an outgoing tide. But consider what our conclusion could have been (potentially disorienting?) had we been unable to hear the motor or (for whatever reason) we were unable to see the distant shore?</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">We could suspect the only consistently stubborn and illogical age group we'll come across are two year-old children.</span> O.K., humor aside, I know that's a really dangerous combination--stubborn and illogical. Beyond infancy and early childhood, most thinking people don't find themselves being really stubborn and really illogical (at the same time) unless they are or were blinded by some form of intense emotional or psychological trauma. But as we all know it doesn't mean people can't be fooled--that is, for example, confused into thinking their getting one thing they want when they're actually getting something they don't want. Of course, <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Smarter Romance</span> is all about trying to help people avoid the disappointment of such situations. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I made a statement in my last blog about the intensely manipulative nature of today's society. It's true</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> (and we'll consider some of those things in the next blog). So, how does one avoid manipulation? Perhaps by knowing one's self, knowing facts, being aware of one's surroundings (hearing the hummm of the Evinrude), keeping a fresh perspective, having or keeping some dependable "anchor" or reference points ("the river bank"), being accountable to others, having a vital support network, etc.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">When a person is young (or maybe just in a new relationship) you want to think your charting a course, making decisions, doing things that will be in your best interests. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">How do you know? Do you have an evaluative criteria? OK, so you make a decision to do something. How do you know </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">you</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> made it? Maybe you were influenced by something or someone else at the time? </span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Smarter Romance</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> is about helping people initiate, grow, and enjoy healthy cross-gender relationships.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> As I said before, </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">rarely have I found men and women wanting to be told who to be, how to act, what to like or what to pursue, when or how fast. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">So the challenge to me is that of helping you make your choices as free from coercive influences (mine or your other influences) as might be possible. I appreciate it when you help me help you around that stuff--and</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;"> <span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">SR</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> will help you do the rest.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Until next time. Be safe, have fun, and above all be smart.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Dick</span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-3381711065596891532010-07-12T15:04:00.000-07:002010-07-12T17:13:11.701-07:00Who's really treating you like a little kid?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp3Pe-uQ1MjuxfvhDooEXiTIY-VMrWPpkdJKD6YAACini61U2fXzXu_Em2EBxwa4sBW5YB0WMPkVsmEOWSWMB2tpl3AR1KVWHUwaMv6zeBy3FgyqUElJtHVyHcsa1RcrqfE-WO8uGy4rH_/s1600/Ten+Page+Book+blog+entry+7.12.2010.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 256px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp3Pe-uQ1MjuxfvhDooEXiTIY-VMrWPpkdJKD6YAACini61U2fXzXu_Em2EBxwa4sBW5YB0WMPkVsmEOWSWMB2tpl3AR1KVWHUwaMv6zeBy3FgyqUElJtHVyHcsa1RcrqfE-WO8uGy4rH_/s320/Ten+Page+Book+blog+entry+7.12.2010.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5493167728201803586" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">In a previous blog entry (April 22) I posed this little scenario: </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Let's pretend I hand you a little book to read--say it's only ten pages long. As I hand it to you I tell you that reading it will bring about one of the most normal, pleasant, and <span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 153, 0); font-weight: bold;">potentially</span> gratifying experiences you will ever experience in your entire life. I also emphasize that it's a story you are supposed to prepare for, anticipate, and get excited about <span style="color: rgb(153, 102, 51); font-weight: bold;">for your future</span>. However, I similarly warn you how that if you choose to read the little book now, so you can experience the tale's pleasant affects <span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0); font-weight: bold;">now</span>, <span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0); font-weight: bold;">at this time in your life</span>, it will undoubtedly mean you won't be able to experience the level of satisfaction you could have had. It will also mean, if you read it now, that you won't be able to replicate and prolong the level of satisfaction you do experience in the way you<span style="font-weight: bold;"> <span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">would</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0); font-weight: bold;"> have</span> had you waited. <span style="font-weight: bold;">OK. So, w</span><span style="font-weight: bold;">hat will you do with the book?<br /><br />You're probably thinking about how obviously transparent that little story sounds? </span><span>Am I right? </span><span>And t</span><span>hat line of thinking may, in turn, lead you to wonder if I'm thinking of you as a little five-year old child struggling to save your Christmas candy cane. Seriously, no, that's not my intent because if that's true then we're all "little kids." We all struggle with temptations like this.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">So I can affirm to you that we're all candidates for this kind of temptation. </span>Whether it is the explosion of a minty Christmas candy cane on our tongue's taste buds or the release endorphins to the pleasure centers of our brain; we're all potential targets.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Targets?</span> If you pose my scenario to your friends and neighbors most all of them would probably report their desire to wait--although you would get some discussion. It's a fun scenario posing a relatively tough situation. I think everyone would agree, too, that some people find resisting temptations like these harder than do other people. That's the way life and people work.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">But all-in-all here's where I'm going with this: </span>we've never lived in a societal environment that is more manipulated than the one we're presently living in. That's a fact! And how does that fact play into this discussion and what are it's implications for dating and romance--and you? Give it some consideration and we'll continue this discussion in the next blog entry.<br /><br />In the meantime be safe, have fun, and be smart!<br /><br />Dick </span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-69388744838586640112010-06-03T15:09:00.000-07:002010-07-09T13:32:51.223-07:00Prowler, Clueless, or Sincere... WhaKindaDate Are You?<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Whether we're aware of it or not we all are intensely social beings. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Even the most socially insensitive among us respond to subtle social cues. Often that happens not because but in spite of a best effort some may employ to avoid such responses. We've all observed, for example, how when someone around us </span><a style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1sOuj3UOcs">yawns</a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> we're inclined to yawn too. When someone is really angry or upset we find ourselves feeling similar emotional discomfort. These simple illustrations are comparatively obvious manifestations of a social resonance rooted deep within us. It is a dynamic that is highly influential--and predictive--for our personal well-being (psycho-socially, cognitively, physically, and emotionally). In fact, just recently scientists discovered that it has been much more influential than some would have believed.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">In the April 22nd blog I posed four questions </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">(scroll down to see the blog). I had hoped the questions would get everyone thinking the same way they got me thinking. For example, consider the question about whether guys dating experiences tend to find them thinking about getting married. The answer to the question really tends to depend on his age and "station in life" so to speak for the guy answering it. Guys in their teens through early twenties generally </span><a style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicssz_j1ZBc6V7LtQDGcz94jasgl5j1Y9WrUklcBWxHiUMi7VCEbruNntLsr5MHScMnvwWCCgjZHkfFzgctd3GC8vem0KZMtkx2iPQT4bJALcsi_YkA-0TVnP_1uYfALE7vyczlM_MuuP4/s1600/Dick+%26+Judi+Love+Pic.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 283px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicssz_j1ZBc6V7LtQDGcz94jasgl5j1Y9WrUklcBWxHiUMi7VCEbruNntLsr5MHScMnvwWCCgjZHkfFzgctd3GC8vem0KZMtkx2iPQT4bJALcsi_YkA-0TVnP_1uYfALE7vyczlM_MuuP4/s400/Dick+%26+Judi+Love+Pic.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478695782774110978" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">respond to that question with a resounding, "No!" So then why are they dating--which was the first question? If you're a guy or a gal and you're not dating with thoughts about getting married right now (which was the original reason why people dated or courted), you are obviously dating for what you consider "other important reasons."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Three reasons that vary in degree of their relationship to marriage come to my mind: </span><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">1) </span><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">you are prowling around</span>, <span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);">2) </span><span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204); font-weight: bold;">you are completely clueless</span>, or <span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">3) </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0); font-weight: bold;">you are genuinely trying to develop some valuable "marriage preparation" skills</span>.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Now, we may differ in our belief about the value and/or appropriateness of these three options. So in an obvious and honest effort to constructively influence your thinking, let me briefly discuss, and in a very distilled way, some key things I know about each of these categories.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">1</span>. <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">If "you are prowling around"</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">You're dating for the opportunity it offers you to become sensually and/or sexually involved with your date. What really matters to you is that the partner is sexually attractive to you. Carefully consider these facts:</span><br /><ul><li style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Fact:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> Although the popular media promotes promiscuity in dating relationships, <a href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/12/081217190441.htm">promiscuity remains a social and societal taboo</a>. Why? Because it is a contributor to many tragic social and societal problems. I know you probably have not thought about this and probably don't want to think of yourself in these terms, but the </span>ugly truth is this: If you are prowling around you are a perpetrator <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">of these problems</span>!</li><li style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Fact:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> Women are often the </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><a href="http://www.psychiatric-disorders.com/articles/warning-signs/teenage-sex.php">victims</a> of what is universally considered selfish and </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">irresponsible male behavior</span>.</li></ul><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"></span><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Fact: </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Cutting edge brain research is demonstrating how </span><a style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" href="http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product_slideshow?sku=450609&actual_sku=450609&slide=5&action=Previous">promiscuous behavior destroys</a> one's ability to make a future, singular, and <a href="http://contentdm.lib.byu.edu/ETD/image/etd454.pdf">secure</a> commitment to a future marriage partner.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Fact</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">: The use of pornography is a chief influence to distort gender perceptions (for both men and women) and these distortions lead to active and growing addictions. The addictions are a form of personal slavery. Enslaved appetites drive a person's dating thoughts, motives, and behavior. If you're in this trap don't waste your life any longer; get some </span><a style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);" href="http://www.sexualrecovery.com/pornography-addiction.php">help</a>!</li></ul> 2. <span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204); font-weight: bold;">If "you are completely clueless."</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Clueless</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> is about having absolutely no plan and no sense of what you're doing in and around the dating scene. Sure you can write an email, pick-up the phone, or say, "Yes," to someone asking you out, but clueless daters suffer from an awkward feeling of being inept, unprepared, and overwhelmed by the dating experience in general. Don't get me wrong here. I'm not saying they don't like it, but that they just don't know what to do with it. (In some ways they are a target for the Prowler!)</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Clueless</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> daters are often not confident and may feel very inadequate for the challenges they find in the dating experience. They may struggle to resolve some confusion they experience: its scariness and uncertainty contrasted with its moments of exhilaration and personal satisfaction. For them the dating process is one to be endured...a necessary evil to be tolerated in anticipation of potential longer term benefits.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Consider a few helpful and timely facts:</span><br /><br /><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Fact:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> People who don't have a muscular self-confidence when it comes to dating are probably in the majority. In many instances the timidity you can feel probably has a lot to do with trying to make a good impression. But what is a "good impression" all about anyway? You will find a great deal more confidence, i.e., you will be more able to act like your real self, if you feel you are in more familiar territory. Being in familiar territory has a lot to do with having a fool-proof plan--one you know you can confidently follow, one</span><a style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);" href="http://www.mindtools.com/selfconf.html"> that will let you communicate a better impression</a>.</li></ul><br /><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Fact: </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Another aspect of self-confidence is about self-esteem. People vary considerably in this personal dimension. Remember, there are a lot of people "out there" in rewarding relationships who have struggled with their self-esteem. So high self-esteem is not a "union requirement for membership in the happy marriage society." Again, the key to moving beyond the self-esteem saboteur is about having and successfully working a fool-proof plan, a plan that gives you confidence and support. </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);">Smarter Romance</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> is exactly that kind of resource.</span></li></ul><br /><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Fact:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> you should not step onto the dating trail until you have identified a workable plan that YOU KNOW is going to work for you. OK, it can be a trial and error kind of thing, maybe, but you will avoid potential for great disappointment and personal heartache if you can simply commit to this little rule for yourself. (You will thank me later!)</span></li></ul><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0); font-weight: bold;">Finally, maybe you are one of those people in the dating scene genuinely--and confidently--trying to develop some valuable "marriage-preparation" skills.</span><br /><br /><ul><li><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Fact:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> I absolutely applaud your intent and goal! The basic skills we all need to support successful relationships at every level are generally learned at home with our family members. But because family-of-origin experiences differ so dramatically, there is great merit in discovering how your skills work, that is, do they work inter-personally for you or against you?</span></li></ul><br /><ul><li><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Fact: </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">There is a wide variety of "marriage preparation" resources available, e.g., </span><a style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" href="http://www.blogger.com/http.eharmony.com/">http.eharmony.com/</a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);"> </span>You can find everything from simple dating tips to elaborate plans, assessments, memberships, suggested scenes, and "Ya gotta do this" stuff. There is some proven merit in all these things, but the real information your stated goal's advancement will require is likely to be more customized than many of these resources can offer in and of themselves. In fact, some of the available resources may take you in directions you might want to avoid. Be picky. If you are new to the dating scene talk to someone you know and trust who has been around for a while.<br /></span></li></ul><br /><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Fact:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> You have no guarantee the person you are dating has good skills. Whether you are on your first date or you are back in the dating scene again, </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Smarter Romance</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> offers you and your prospective date a healthy time-proven perspective. It gives you some simple tools that will support your personal and shared goals. SR will help you streamline your time-line to help you accomplish your goals wisely and successfully.</span></li></ul><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">You may be interested in more information about </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Smarter Romance</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> (SR). Email me at smarterromance@gmail.com or check out the other Associated SR blog links listed on this page.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Until next time have fun, be safe, and be smart!</span><br /></span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-69628287557141381022010-04-22T13:35:00.000-07:002010-07-12T15:03:01.065-07:00Are You Kidding; A Developmental Dynamic in Dating?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSZND3FbxWD96y9VrcE0h9awjcumujskd252HJXYQEUZKBhiYvx7z0p-xG4rDMHhuLfEFtLBPqbb1zgzrp-mrzbDy8RGblLA0xNCx4PllYlmgUsT3z2GtAi-vtF3AyShIPvqdv5znwalfm/s1600/Room+Divider+Pic+4.10.10+007.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 263px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSZND3FbxWD96y9VrcE0h9awjcumujskd252HJXYQEUZKBhiYvx7z0p-xG4rDMHhuLfEFtLBPqbb1zgzrp-mrzbDy8RGblLA0xNCx4PllYlmgUsT3z2GtAi-vtF3AyShIPvqdv5znwalfm/s400/Room+Divider+Pic+4.10.10+007.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5463074214144876802" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">As a kid I often visited my mom's parents' home.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> My sister and I (another brother and another sister came along later) loved to play with my grandparents' latticed room dividers. Grandpa and Grandma kept them against a wall in their living room. Me and my sis would drag them into the center of the room and work to arrange them (I think there were four) into a circle. Then we would sneak inside the circle opening and closing their wooden lattices permitting us to "hide"--we thought of it as our fun fortress. </span> <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br />Shortly following my grandmother's death my wife and I had opportunity to acquire some of those old family heirlooms. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Of course I remembered those room dividers and fancied the idea of their being in my own home where my children could play with them as I had done. You can imagine my great surprise--and disappointment--to realize that the experience I remembered as a child was very different from my new experience with the dividers as an adult. I expected them to be very tall--maybe 6 feet in height. But when I saw them again, now as an adult, it may be stretching it to say they are 60 inches tall!</span> <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br />Certainly our then four and six year-old physical statures had a lot to do with our judgment of the size of those dividers. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">We remembered them being large because at that time in our lives we were relatively small. Then, too, moving away and across the country as we subsequently did kept their size something of a secret as we grew older and taller. As it turned out we had not opportunity to use or be around them or to recalibrate their size in our minds eye given the changes in our physical dimensions. Also, and equally influential in this remembering process is the fact that the purpose and the way we, as children, used those dividers was in fact very different from their designed purpose and function. We have changed dramatically in both out physical size AND mental sophistication. </span> <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">So what does this have to do with dating?</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> A lot.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Let me illustrate by asking you a </span><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">question</span></span><span style="font-weight: bold;">:</span> Let's assume dating has an intended purpose. So, I'm asking you, what is dating all about? How you answer that question may tell you--and me--something about you. One of the more common answers: "Dating is about getting to know the opposite sex--it's about learning how women or guys work."Another honest response , "It's about finding opportunities to release sexual tension." OK. (I'll come back to that one later.) </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br />Here's another simple </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0); font-weight: bold;">question</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> for those of you--especially you guys who may be in junior high, high school or you may be college freshmen or sophomores: </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">"When you date are you seriously thinking about getting married?" Quite generally the answer I get, especially and quickly from guys is, "No!--are you kidding?" </span> <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Here's a <span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">third question</span>:</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> "If you are between the ages of 14 through mid-to-late 20's, do you know your brain is changing; do you know it's becoming more complex, developing toward the kind and the quality of neurological complexity you will have permanently as a mature adult? Typically the answer I get when I ask that question is something along the lines of, "Yah...OK. I think so. Sure!"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Finally, my <span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">last question</span> to you comes in the form of a scenario: </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">"If I handed you a little book to read--say it's just ten pages--but in giving it to you I also tell you that reading it will undoubtedly bring about one of the most normal, and pleasant, and potentially prolong-able experiences you will have experienced in your life to this point. However, I then also warn you how that if you choose to read the little book and experience that pleasant event now, at this time in your life, it will most probably mean you may never actually experience it in the same or in a better and prolong-able way ever again. <span style="font-weight: bold;">What will you do with the book?</span></span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">These questions, the first, second, third, and that scenario are all related. I'm going to come back to this...so look for the next blog entry. In the meantime, stay tuned.</span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Be safe, have fun, and be smart.</span> <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><br /><br />Dick</span><br /><br />PS: If, like me, you are genuinely interested in some research around this topic and you are willing, again like me, to "eat the meat and spit out the bones" here (<a href="http://ncfmr.bgsu.edu/pdf/Working%20Papers/wp09-10.pdf">click</a>) is a great study with a healthy bibliography of research you can sink your teeth into. Remember, if you're hungry for the truth, "All truth is God's truth," but we are all called at that point to be very finicky eaters!Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-8021972149346741652010-04-14T14:23:00.000-07:002010-10-22T12:34:02.355-07:00Flower to Flower: Those So-Called "Male Freedoms"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZgL4fD0JLWRH-2L-61ToP9SRp2sBUXZBiuTFO5UKvr4E0M68yzcMzx18cr3wMX7Y3edWWVZ1t9BD3-43rLTNtfhW36lGhD9KfyWE9Eax244qY8Hc2tJaIy-f8jsDo3cX04AR_lEs-Grwp/s1600/Blog+004.JPG"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZgL4fD0JLWRH-2L-61ToP9SRp2sBUXZBiuTFO5UKvr4E0M68yzcMzx18cr3wMX7Y3edWWVZ1t9BD3-43rLTNtfhW36lGhD9KfyWE9Eax244qY8Hc2tJaIy-f8jsDo3cX04AR_lEs-Grwp/s400/Blog+004.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5460140800010778738" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">What's this about, "male freedoms?"</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> When a dating relationship goes "inside-out" it becomes sexual. Another phrase, "sexual favors," describes a guy's twisted successful effort to get more than just hugs and kisses behind closed doors. "Male freedom" becomes a code word for some really irresponsible guy behavior.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">However, that's not to suggest gals can't or aren't responsible to initiate this kind of "sharing."</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> When, for example, she decides to offer her "favors" in a bid to keep him around longer, she may predictably succeed at making that happen--for a while. But lots of experience (</span><a style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);" href="http://www.slidingvsdeciding.blogspot.com/">and good research</a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">) says his presence will be predictably short-term. And what happens to the relationship? While he (and she) may (?) enjoy the sexual fireworks, there's often an obvious and abrupt change--</span><a style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);" href="http://www.inplainsite.org/html/premarital_sex__why_wait_.html">a decline--in the overall relational dynamics.</a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> Going "inside-out" often predicts a relationship's "the end"--the very thing she probably didn't want to see happen.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Historically, women have taken most all the risks when a relationships turn "inside out."</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> It's an age-old complaint, "The guy just walked away; she took all the risks!" Pregnancy, children to care for, financial uncertainties? It's been a prescription for heart ache; bitter pills swallowed oh so often by many women. Then, (as I mentioned briefly in the previous blog) in a bid to offer as much sexual adventure and pleasure as possible for BOTH sexes, the newest Western cultural efforts have focused to bring miracle tools of 21st Century technology to grant women the same "freedoms" the guys have historically (albeit irresponsibly) possessed. Note that the emphasis is on "freedoms," generally dismissing any appropriate responsibility-taking or developing any ethical muscle on the part of either sex. The new cultural mantra appears to have become, "It's the freedoms, stupid!"</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Again, as I mentioned previously, a woman's relational wiring tends to demand the very things this newly acclaimed "freedom" unwittingly denigrates: </span><a style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);" href="http://www.amazon.com/Secrets-Eve-Archibald-D-Hart/product-reviews/0849990629/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1">relational stability, security, commitment, warmth, and interpersonal sharing with sustained friendship</a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">. And where are those things found? In a committed marriage and family relationship! Interestingly, too, what factors best predict the </span><a style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);" href="http://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RB5018/index1.html">long-term emotional and physical health of men</a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">: relational stability, security, commitment, warmth, and interpersonal sharing with respect in a sustained friendship. Coincidental? Hardly.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">But there's more: the "inside-out" dynamics can get frustratingly scary, too.</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> People can't just turn them off and on like water from a faucet. The more frequently dating partners "share favors" this way the<span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);"> </span></span><a style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);" href="http://www.amazon.com/Hooked-Science-Casual-Affecting-Children/dp/0802450601">less likely</a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> the participants will be to ever find a "satisfying committed relationship." That's a proven fact!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">So why are loud, persuasive voices in Western culture aggressively marketing the very things so destructive to male health, female health and marital health?</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> Three reasons come to mind: Money, Politics, and Moral Corruption seasoned with stupidity.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">But, <span style="font-weight: bold;">YOU</span> can ignore those marketing efforts--dodge a potentially fatal personal and relationship bullet with a </span><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Smarter Romance</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">.</span> <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">You have everything to gain and nothing to lose!</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Until next time be safe...have fun...and be SMARTER!</span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-7907645483970899282010-04-08T12:45:00.000-07:002010-04-14T10:38:45.266-07:00Inside-Out's Most Contemporary Proponants<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">It's nearing that time of the year when the clothes start coming off. </span>It doesn't matter whether you're up town or down town or somewhere in mid-town. The phenomenon is the same. In and around university campuses where I've spent much of my childhood and adult life, the spring days on campus find men playing Frisbee or tight-roping in shorts and shirtless. Gals similarly respond to the warming temperatures sun bathing together on apartment balconies. They're found waiting the lines at Starbucks in shorts and a blouse or a sweater top that's "shrunk" up two sizes from the waistline.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">These spring events are generations old. </span>I remember seeing similar scenes in </span><a style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" href="http://www.wwwk.co.uk/movies/film-classics/40s.htm"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">1940's-50's movies</span> </a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">with, for example, Clarke Gable and Lana Turner. No big deal. What is new, however (I'll characterize this from my perspective) is a great confusion around what is "female."</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Women are being taught they can and should expect to have the freedoms men have always known.</span> They're expecting this, albeit without the "it's a boy!" </span><a style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);" href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2005/12/051201165615.htm"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">way of thinking</span> </a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">that comes "umbilically" attached to those so-called "freedoms."</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Men and women think about who they are and what they do, respectively, very differently. </span><a style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);" href="http://mindpowernews.com/MenAndWomen.htm">You can't educate or train or otherwise "environate"</a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> maleness out of men any more successfully than you can accomplish that same thing with femaleness for women. Nevertheless, the expectation persists. It is marketed and driven by (perhaps?) good intentioned and wishful thinking "scientists," all of whom are card carrying members from a variety of agendas, with social engineering and politically correct goals. </span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">So, what happens when you keep telling a duck he or she is a chicken?</span> You get a really confused duck. You get a duck that tries to be a chicken but isn't wired to do chicken stuff. It's problematic for ducks...and a huge nuisance to other chickens!</span> (see March 22nd's blog)<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">Consider a few interesting examples:</span><br /><ol style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><li>Women are encouraged to be sexually active; postpone or devalue any feeling they might naturally have for commitment to a sexual partner, i.e., "It's purely recreational."<br /></li><li>Women are encouraged to be sexually active and feel little need for concern about any natural consequences (pregnancies) because there are "tools," i.e., birth control pills, "the morning after pill," and abortion if necessary.<br /></li><li>Women are being encouraged to think their costs for health insurance should be exactly the same as men (an idea that is as statistically curious as the statement "Men and women are equally likely to get pregnant").<br /></li></ol><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">I can list a lot more of these "women are just like men" messages.</span> They come "wrapped" as implicit (implied) and explicit (clearly stated) media-driven packages. Generally all these messages are exactly what they appear to be, driven by questionably good intentioned and wishful thinking "scientists," and proposed by card carrying members from a variety of agendas, with social engineering and politically correct goals.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-weight: bold;">What's the bottom line to all of this?</span> </span><a style="color: rgb(51, 51, 153);" href="http://www.amazon.com/Handbook-Closeness-Intimacy-Debra-Mashek/dp/0805842853#reader_0805842853">It's this: Quite generally women don't work that way <span style="color: rgb(102, 0, 204);">(click and then borrow this book and go to the chapter starting on p. 189)</span>!</a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">So what does that say for men who are often the abusers taking advantage of the innate sensibilities of women?</span> Am I condoning their behavior--their comparative inclination toward what some have described as serial monogamy? <span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0); font-weight: bold;">NO!</span></span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">More next time. Have fun. Be safe. Be smart</span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-131574169364050695.post-27141344259289164642010-03-29T15:21:00.000-07:002010-03-31T13:50:02.903-07:00Outside-In or Inside-Out Dating Relationships?<span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I've observed how there are basically two ways couples tend to do a dating relationship. </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Dating relationships develop </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">outside-</span><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">in</span></span> or <span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">inside</span>-<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">out</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">. They may also be something of a combination of the two. I can tell you right up front that the major difference between the two styles is determined in the way the dating couple becomes physically and/or sexually involved with each other or not. Remember these are broad generalizations, but please consider their merits and tell me what you think.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">"<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Outside</span>-<span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">In</span>"</span> <span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">dates tend to constructively involve other people</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">--other couples, friends, family members, colleagues and associates, fellow students, etc. These relationships find dating couples doing things that are out in the open; non-secretive. Their dates and developing friendship has a crisp, lightweight feel to the bystander. The dating couple exude an inclusive mutually shared enthusiasm. Their energies radiate a feeling that's celebratory, a message that seems to suggest something like, "Come have fun with us." They cooperatively plan the things they do and their planning becomes a valuable part of their dating experience. Their dates can have a subtle, positive influence on the people around them, i.e., their family members, friends, co-workers, etc., and they collaboratively discuss their experiences for the value such discussion has to help them understand and appreciate, or not, the merits in their continuing the dating relationship.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 153, 0);">"<span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">Inside-</span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);">Out</span>" </span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">styled dates tend to get predictably and quickly focused on the couple's "one another" experiences</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">. Other people may be included in their dates, but increasingly their presence becomes a tool to initiate their own together time. To the familiar bystander the dating couple's friendship begins to feel exclusive and detached from other people; it may feel heavy and awkward, a "three is a crowd" kind of feeling to friends or family members. Planning is generally and increasingly an unimportant element in their dating experiences since apparently "just being together" is all they really seem to want. Since alone time appears to be one of their constant and major objectives on a date, other people may not be positively or memorably influenced by the dynamics of their developing relationship. Their conversation and discussion, an important pass-time for their early dates, is decreasingly important and marginally meaningful unless it promises future time together doing what they want to do, i.e., being together.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Because both good intended (and not so good intended) men and women initiate dating relationships that start "<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">outside</span>-<span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">in</span>," it's muting to the relationship's growth dynamics when their dating behavior turns "<span style="color: rgb(153, 51, 153);">inside</span>-<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 153);">out</span>?" </span><a href="http://www.facebook.com/notes.php?id=2482495492">There are ALWAYS big downsides </a>to that event.<br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">I'm going to follow-up on this discussion in the next blog.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">So until then be safe, have fun, and be smart!</span>Richardhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11053546723593897711noreply@blogger.com0