Monday, June 27, 2011

Dating and Courtship Are Inherently Complicated

Should anyone expect their first date and the relationship it develops to lead to marriage? There are two answers to that question: a real one and an ideal one. But there is also a flock of complicating factors to that answer that jump into the air like startled birds. They flit back and forth between the realistic answer and the ideal one.

Nobody wants a complicated dating process. For sure nobody wants it to be too emotionally challenging or, God forbid, painful! So I suspect we would all be quick to agree generally good intentions are behind the desire people have for the IDEAL dating experience. Keep in mind, however, this kind of thinking is pretty much the same stuff that could have pushed me to buy a new Ferrari soon after I passed my driver's test at the age of 18. Why didn't I actually do that? It wouldn't have turned out well. A few incidental obstacles like money, no credit history, comparatively little driving skill, escalating insurance--a lot of silly obstacles (those startled birds I mentioned earlier) prevented my acting on my ideal. Aha, reality has something to do with this!

So, what are some of the complicating factors? Consider, for example (with some overlap), your maturity level, the maturity of those around you, your expectations, family expectations and regional expectations and norms, interpersonal competition, religious values and expectations. Add value differences, socio-cultural differences, personality differences, other demographics and life circumstances, or events including surprises and tragedies, etc. That list could probably dribble on through a full page!

There is no special secret, no special prayers, no amazing formulas, no adviser high paid or not paid, no pill, potion, pastor, priest, or parent, etc.--there's no magic tool anyone can employ to uncomplicate the process for "finding the love of your life." Nope, not even, for example, if you employ some amazing razzmatazz internet dating Genie. There are no short-cuts. So, if you are smart (and I know you are because you are reading this blog), you simply need to wisely invest time in the process to discover confident compatibility. It won't just happen; it's an active pursuit!

So, what is the single most promising scenario to help you in a successful dating and courtship process?
Yes, it's still complicated, maybe even painful from time to time, but you need to let that be OK. Finding "the love of your life" is wrapped-up in the three things to which Smarter Romance is dedicated: as a team 1.) getting timely, good, and wise counsel, 2.) being dedicated to a plan with perseverance and patience, and 3.) growing a keen self and team-awareness through collaborative, goal oriented experiences.

If you want to know more about Smarter Romance, please drop me a note, Tweet me @SmarterRomance, or mail me through my Facebook page.
You can even find me on LinkedIn.

In the meantime have fun, be safe, and be smart!