Monday, September 28, 2009

So, you're going to call him (or her) for a date?

OK, so you're going to call him (or her) for a do what? Movies, dining, dancing, a concert, a ball game, bowling, pool, some kind of party across town, or maybe you'll just be hangin' out together with mutual friends?

What do you think you want to accomplish on that first date? Hmmm. Consider my "TV watching principle"

I've watched my share of television shows--dramas, mysteries, situation comedies, investigation news journals, made-for-TV movies, etc. You get the idea. In my experience most TV shows, aside from offering some kind of emotional stimulation--momentary entertainment--they're not particularly memorable. Of course there are those exceptions to the rule. But in my experience a really memorable one gave me something I didn't have before, and it was packaged in a way that made it immediately "fit" into my life circumstances. I think the "take away" was memorable because it was immediately relevant, usable, and re-usable. That's true of the dating experience, too.

It's one thing to be "on a date,"
but it's quite a different and a comparatively more memorable experience when you do something cooperatively with your date. But you can ratchet up the value of that "take away" even more! Dating is most memorable when the experience you share is something you've planned together and then you actively do it together.

So, you say you're going to call him (or her) for a date? Make the first date an investigative experience, that is to say, purposefully plan some time together when you can discover and discuss your big interests (other than the opposite sex!). Thoughtfully ask each other and discuss this question: "Overall, what makes you tick. What do you generally enjoy doing the most, and what about it makes that personally meaningful (i.e., Why is it important to you)?

Then, if after that first date you're finding yourselves agreeing on the idea of another date with each other, don't wonder what you're going to do. Take the pressure off! Agree that for the next date you'll get together just to plan something that will require pooling your talents and skills to accomplish it...something you'll do together and that you'll both really remember!

More along the same theme next time. Have fun. Be yourself...and be Smarter!


  1. Thanks for posting this. After many years, I find myself in the dating game again. A lot seems to have changed, or mayby I never really got it.
    BTW, I found you through Judi in the BBEST forum on Etsy.

  2. Hi Jill,
    Yes, life can discover a lot of surprises for sure. Nobody, wise, wealthy, clever, or whatever appears immune. I hope you'll find these humble efforts grow your confidence in your dating and courtship experience and to compliment it's challenges with self-instructional insight. It can be a great blessing.

    Have a great weekend.

    Smarter Romance